Back to Darkness
by Fandom Angst
Summary: Yuki has to return to face Akito after not attending New Year's. Later he faces further punishment for helping Kyo. Yuki struggles to hide the truth of his abuse from his friends. Will probably feature verbal/physical/sexual abuse- just a warning. Akito is male. This is my first story so any feedback would be greatly appreciated! M to be safe. I don't own Fruits Basket!
1. An Unwelcome Visitor

Yuki woke gradually, gently. He thought he could hear Tohru humming tunelessly from the kitchen. Letting his eyes close again he breathed deeply, quite content in that moment.

A short while later he made his way languidly downstairs to the welcoming smell of breakfast. Tohru was flitting about the kitchen preparing food and Kyo was sitting watching her work. Yuki joined him silently. The two were still not close, but Tohru's presence meant they fought less as this upset her. Shigure joined them for breakfast, chuckling about winding his editor up, and the four ate quite happily together.

Two days before this happy sleepy morning, Yuki and Kyo had chosen to remain at home with Tohru rather than attend the annual family New Years dinner gathering. That night Yuki had slept restlessly and woken anxious and nauseous, fearing repercussions. When none came, he relaxed and fell gratefully back into his pleasant life.

Little did Yuki know, his happiness was to be short-lived.

The day passed the same as any other for Yuki, until the darkness began ebbing into the sky. He went looking for Shigure in his office and all his muscles suddenly tensed as he was confronted with the malicious eyes and cold smile, of Akito.

Rational thought seemed to escape Yuki as he struggled desperately to breathe. His head spun as his chest contracted sharply. Akito was sitting in Shigure's plush office chair, behind his desk. His legs were crossed and he used both armrests, gently tapping his pale fingers on the leather, completely owning the room. He inclined his head slightly to the side, narrowing his eyes almost imperceptibly as Yuki struggled.

"Yuki my dear", he murmured, so tenderly that Yuki felt a cold chill chase itself down his spine. "It's been too long."

A terrible fear was forming in Yuki's stomach, growing larger and more all-consuming with every passing second.

A tinkling sound behind him alerted him to Shigure's return. He came bearing a tray of tea and delicate cakes, which he promptly set down on his desk. Akito granted this selection a withering glance before returning his full attention to Yuki.

"As I was saying Shigure, I really think Yuki will have to come spend some time with me."

Shigure looked thoroughly uncomfortable, chewing his lower lip. "Do you really think that's entirely necessary Akito? After all, Yuki is quite settled here and-"

"Enough." Akito whispered, and Shigure fell immediately slient.

Akito smiled sweetly. "Yuki dear, it's time to come home."


	2. Repercussions

Yuki could not remember much of the journey to the Sohma main house. The first coherent thought he had was to curse to own stupidity in defying Akito by not attending the New Years' dinner. He later remembered that as the driver pulled into the impressive Sohma complex, Akito had gently traced his fingers down his cheek, causing his breath to hitch. Saying goodbye to the others was a blur to Yuki now. He thought he must have managed alright, as usual; disguising the cracking of his interior with his carefully mastered mask. Some excuse to Tohru and Kyo about wanting to visit his friends at the main house for a time...

Yuki shivered. He sat alone in his special room. The darkness and stillness seemed to press in on him. It was cold, it had always been cold here. Since arriving back for the first time in a year, Yuki had been having trouble breathing. His hands trembled and his chest was tight. His whole being was reacting to this change, anticipating danger.

Akito had walked Yuki to the room without speaking. Slowly he had turned the ornate key in the lock, before almost silently sliding the door open. Yuki had hesitated then, his instinct to flee, but Akito's sharp angry exhale had been enough for him to take the first, most difficult step, back into his personal hell. Akito remained in the doorway for an immeasurable amount of time, seeming to watch Yuki thoughtfully. Finally he had taken a small step away.

"I'll be back Yuki" he promised, before locking the door and leaving.

Since then Yuki had been alone.

He shivered, whether from the cold or fear he could not tell. Drawing his knees close to his chest, Yuki huddled in a corner, waiting. Perhaps the waiting was worse, he considered. Knowing what was coming but still being powerless to stop it. Knowing Akito intimately, as Yuki did from their childhood spent together, he understood the prolonging of his suffering would appeal to Akito. Yuki remained huddled in the dark for what felt like a horribly long time, thinking of Shigure and Tohru, but most of all Akito, when finally the God himself returned.

Akito carefully closed the door behind him and smiled as he walked towards Yuki.

"Ahh Yuki, your old corner, you always did love to hide away there," he simpered. "Unfortunately, there is nothing that can help you now."

Yuki could not help but whimper at that. Being back with Akito and especially being back in this room made him feel like a child again. He was instantly ashamed of his display of weakness; he was usually so composed. Akito, however, was the only one who could see under Yuki's mask, who always seemed to understand exactly what he was thinking, sometimes before even he knew himself. As Akito approached Yuki's whole body tensed, his nerves coiled like springs ready to burst forth. Despite this, when Akito reached out a slender hand and touched Yuki's cheek, he froze.

"Oh my dear Yuki, I do so wish you had come to New Years'. If you had you wouldn't need to be punished. I wouldn't have to. Did you mean to inconvenience me as such, or were you just being an evil little rat?"

Akito's voice had dropped dangerously low by the end, and Yuki knew when Akito was being quiet or gentle it was far worse than if he was shouting. He tried to answer but couldn't. His body and mind weren't cooperating. He lowered his eyes to stare intently at his knees.

"Yuki," Akito whispered, "Don't you dare look away from me when I'm talking to you"

With a tremendous effort Yuki managed to raise his eyes to meet Akito's, merely a foot away.

"Now Yuki, I'll ask one more time –why weren't you at New Years'?"

Yuki struggled with his tongue but it seemed too large for his mouth and he couldn't get the words to form around it. As transfixed as he was staring at Akito's furious eyes, Yuki never saw Akito draw his hand back to deliver a vicious slap. Yuki went reeling backwards, crashing hard onto the cold floor.

"You monster!" Akito snarled, and the sudden venom in his voice combined with the stinging pain from the slap jolted Yuki's brain back into action.

"Akito I'm so sorry! I am- I- I'm sorry. I didn't- I'm sorry" he begged.

"You will address me as master." And just like that Yuki was six years old again. As he crawled back to Akito he realised he would never be free; would always be that same frightened child. And when Akito struck him again he welcomed the momentary blackness it brought, the too-brief escape from his flawed existence.

After Yuki had once more crawled back to Akito and apologised, Akito gently cupped his face in a hand, a grim expression on his face.

"You understand that you have done wrong Yuki. And you understand that you must be punished. I do not much care for your motives, only that you learn from this. You know, I only do this because I love you." He gazed into Yuki's unusual violet eyes for a few moments before gently releasing his face. He slowly walked to an ancient cabinet, one of only two pieces of furniture in the room, removing a key from the pocket of his kimono as he went. Yuki closed his eyes for a moment of peace before the inevitable.

"Turn around." The command came sternly and Yuki complied without hesitation. Keeping his eyes closed, he tried to concentrate on his breathing, the rapid rhythm of his heart, anything but Akito's approaching footsteps. In his last few seconds he tried to think of his home and friends, holding on to them. As Akito brought the whip slashing across his back however, Yuki cried out in pain and all thought of happiness was lost.

Pain. That was the only thing Yuki could comprehend for a long time. He could feel the pain, taste it, even smell it. His eyes fluttered open to darkness. He realised he must have passed out; he was splayed on the floor. He tried to sit up and collapsed. The pain was so sharp, so raw. He felt it burning, stinging, setting his nerves alight. Akito had been merciless, that much he could remember. Despite all Yuki's cries and pleas the God had continued slashing and tearing and ripping at Yuki's back and arms. Vaguely Yuki wondered how bad it was before the comfortable blackness claimed him once more.

When he was next aware of his eyes being open, Yuki's thoughts were more coherent. He managed this time to raise himself into a sitting position, wincing as his skin stretched over his wounds. He could not see his back but one of the cuts on his shoulders seemed deep and the ones he could find on his arms were stinging. With considerable effort he returned to his corner. He knew it was silly, that he was no safer there than anywhere else, but mentally he felt better huddled there. Careful not to let his back touch the wall, Yuki closed his eyes once more. The smell of blood was strong. As Yuki silently cried himself to sleep, he could not believe only that morning he had woken up so content.


	3. Flames and Darkness

**Hey! Thanks to The Character's Death for reviewing :) Hope everyone's enjoying, would love some more reviews. **

**Anyway happy holidays! **

* * *

Yuki slept fitfully and when he woke he was shivering and sweating. He registered for the first time that his shirt was torn to shreds; it had provided little protection. Wincing, he recalled what he could of the night before. It seemed to appear in sharp bursts in his mind, never the entire picture. Perhaps, Yuki considered, he should be grateful for his fragmented memory. It had been so long since he had suffered Akito's wrath that he was now unaccustomed to dealing with the aftermath. He let his head fall forward into his hands. His fingers pressed to his temples, attempting to hold himself together. He had fallen into the darkness before and been rescued and he knew all too well that it was far easier to fall into the pit than it was to climb out.

He did not intend to fall again.

The day passed in a blur. Much later Yuki heard the long-anticipated turning of the key causing his stomach to clench. Akito entered slowly, appearing impassive. Yuki remained in the corner, watching him wide-eyed like a cornered animal.

"Yuki" Akito gave the smallest twitch of his fingers to command Yuki to come. He did, standing unsteadily and walking the short distance until he was a foot from Akito. Here he bowed his head and sank to his knees, the very picture of subdued. Yuki did not see the tight-lipped smile on Akito's otherwise mask-like face, but Akito saw the unintentional twitches in Yuki's eyelid and jaw as he waited.

"You should have crawled Yuki, my disobedient rat" purred Akito's velvet voice. Yuki flinched. Somewhere far within his mind he understood Akito was trying to belittle him further, to have him feeling worthless, yet at the same time he was finding fighting this notion increasingly hard. Akito began pacing round him. He bowed his head further, trying to contain his fear. A disproving sound came from above him.

"Mmm Yuki dear, you've ruined another shirt. It's been a while since that happened hasn't it my dear?" He stopped and grasped Yuki's chin tightly. "Too long..." he hissed.

Yuki could not suppress his shiver. As he dragged his eyes up to Akito's, he was sure Akito could practically smell the fear emanating from him. He was acutely aware of the rapid rise and fall of his chest as the two stared into the other's eyes. Akito released Yuki's chin and very slowly, almost hesitantly, reached forward. Painstakingly, as though savouring each one, he undid the remaining buttons on Yuki's shirt.

Yuki gritted his teeth and did nothing.

When he was done, Akito slid the shirt off him, very slowly. Despite his gentleness, the material had become stuck to one of the cuts by the now-dry blood and Yuki gasped when it was pulled free. He now shivered slightly, from exposure rather than the cold. Akito dropped the shirt carelessly and gazed at Yuki, his cold eyes very alive.

After a long moment, he began pacing again. Yuki remained still, but for the slight tremors wracking his body. At times like this, when he couldn't tell what Akito was thinking, Yuki was most scared of him. This was when he was unpredictable and could either show extreme aggression and volatility or disconcerting tenderness and affection. He waited. Having lived in relative content and peace at Shigure's house for so long, Yuki was unsure of how to gauge Akito's thoughts now.

"You know Yuki" Akito murmured, stopping behind him, "You're very good at being quiet and beautiful." He traced his fingers lightly across the evidence of last night's wrath, mapped out across Yuki's alabaster skin. Yuki tensed. "But", he hovered over a particularly nasty cut, "You're not very good at showing me _respect!_"

At this he plunged a finger deep into the cut. Yuki managed to swallow down his scream and merely gasp, clenching his fists. He didn't know what was best to do anymore. His head was spinning.

"It is an issue which must be addressed. I will re-teach you to respect me Yuki, and you will be grateful"

He dragged his finger along the length of the cut. Yuki lost control of his emotions; the contained scream wrenched itself free from his shaking form and he collapsed forward, panting. Vaguely he was aware of warmth spreading down his back. Akito gave his finger a rough twist, causing Yuki's head to swim. He then moved slowly round him and knelt in front of the shaking boy. Very purposefully, he wiped the bright glistening blood from his hand down Yuki's cheek. Then he left.

Yuki was left alone and in pain. He breathed deeply through his nose, trying to regain his composure. It wasn't serious he told himself. He'd had far worse. Yet recently he wasn't used to dealing with such pain, nor with Akito's psychological games, and felt he was struggling. Once more he fruitlessly took himself back to his safe corner. He attempted to ignore the wet, stickiness of his blood on his back and face. He considered wiping it from his face with the remnants of his shirt but feared this would anger Akito. He had clearly marked Yuki and to remove this would be disobedience. He was anxious being back with Akito, as he hadn't been in over two years.

Shortly after, Akito returned. His eyes seemed to widen in pleasure as he took him the bloody Yuki huddled in the corner. He bore with him a small tray which he set down in the centre of the room.

"Come" he said gently. Yuki hesitantly crawled over which caused Akito to smile. On the tray sat a large hunk of bread, already thickly sliced, a jug of water, a small cup of tea and two white pills. Yuki eyed the pills warily, which seemed to amuse Akito.

"Painkillers" he replied to the unasked question. Yuki hesitated. He hadn't realised he was so hungry; the fear had driven it away. Now however he found he was desperate to eat.

"Go ahead dear" Akito smiled. Yuki gratefully took a piece of bread and ate it carefully. Akito watched him intently for some time. Yuki sipped the tea, thankful for its warmth. Akito left, promising to return shortly. He did, carrying a thick blanket and flimsy pillow. He set these down next to Yuki.

"Thank you" Yuki stammered, then, on noting the change in Akito's expression added "Master."

"Very good my little rat." Akito smiled almost fondly. "I'll leave this with you" he said, indicating the tray. "Take the painkillers."

Yuki nodded attentively.

"Hatori will see you tomorrow, then you will go back to Shigure's house." At this Yuki's head snapped up in surprise.

"I see this pleases you." Akito replied thinly, a cold edge to his voice. "No matter. Your new school term begins in three days and I would have you well prepared. Henceforth, you shall come to me every weekend."

Yuki's eyes widened. He was relieved he got to return home tomorrow but found the idea of two days a week with Akito very daunting and frightening.

"On a Friday evening a car will pick you up from Shigure's house, and you will be returned on Sunday evening." He continued to watch Yuki closely, looking for any reactions. Yuki worked hard to keep his face a mask. "I hope two nights a week will be enough to re-teach you respect, if not... I'll take more." There was a dark undercurrent to his words now which made Yuki nervous.

Akito crouched next to him again. "Goodnight my pet" he murmured tenderly. "Remember I love you, as no-one else does" He gently kissed Yuki on the forehead and tenderly stroked his cheek. As he stood he withdrew a candle and a box of matches from his pocket and passed them down to Yuki.

"Sleep well" he instructed over his shoulder as he left.

Yuki sat alone, feeling confused.

Later, when he had finished his meal, he curled up under the blanket in his corner and lit a candle to chase away the dark. Watching the flame flickering, mere inches from his face, Yuki wondered what would happen. Gazing deep into the flame he realised that it could provide warmth concurrent with pain. He spent a long time watching it dance in the darkness. When he was younger he often could not sleep in this room, for fear of Akito returning. Now however, he told himself he must. He could not afford more insomnia which only made it easier for his demons to tear him apart.

He knew he must sleep. He knew he must survive. He knew he must not fall into the darkness again. What he did not care to admit to himself was this:

If he fell again, he did not think he would survive the climb out.

He snuffed the candle out.


	4. A Return to Normality

**Hey, thanks so much for reviewing, following etc.! It really means a lot to me :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket. **

**Happy New Year everyone! **

* * *

Hatori was the only outsider to have entered the room. It had been more than two years and he approached tentatively. Immediately upon sliding open the door he saw his worst fears had been justified. Yuki was huddled in a corner. His wide eyes warily appraised Hatori as he entered, fingers digging into his bony knees. Hatori sighed sadly and slowly walked towards him. Yuki seemed to relax slightly, apparently registering that Hatori was unaccompanied, the tension visibly ebbing from his body.

"Yuki. How are you feeling?" Hatori spoke gently, his voice laced with sadness and concern.

Yuki looked up at him with eyes which were too old and too weary. He didn't answer. Hatori swallowed grimly. All he could see when he looked at Yuki now was the poor little boy abandoned by his mother and abused by his God so many years ago. Yuki's silence and timidity concerned him; when quiet he was hurting most deeply. With a heavy heart Hatori began to examine Yuki's wounds, knowing the true damage could never be seen nor treated so easily.

Yuki returned home in silence. Hatori had carefully treated his cuts and given him painkillers and anti-inflammatory tablets. What he had not been able to provide was the comfort Yuki so desperately craved. He felt vulnerable, fragile. Used to being composed and collected, the abrupt return to his previous life left him shaken up in ways he didn't understand. As the sleek car wound its way through the streets Yuki gazed out the blackened windows at the passing people. He saw flashes of their lives, mere glimpses; the child unwrapping her lollipop, the man waiting patiently for his dog, the woman with the bright smile buying fruit. He felt a detachment from these people, as though he could never belong in their world. The protective walls began building in his mind; his thoughts and secrets, truths and feelings, deeply confined. By the time the car pulled up at Shigure's house his eyes were dry and his smile almost genuine.

* * *

The first day back was the hardest. Tohru's excitement and warmth was almost contagious and even Kyo didn't annoy him as much as usual. Shigure, who had some inclination of the truth of Yuki's relationship with Akito, was gentle with him but didn't press for any details. Yuki found himself smiling a lot as he joined in and spent time with the others: cooking and cleaning with Tohru and arguing with Kyo.

That evening he wandered to his vegetable garden. Now finally he was able to surrender to his feelings. The smile disappeared from his face, replaced by a curiously blank mask. He knelt down, clutching handfuls of earth and thinking of flames and Gods and friends. He was pleased and grateful to be here, to be able to return to his friends, his garden. He clenched the dirt tightly in his fists, wishing he could belong somewhere, envying the plants the strong roots which grounded them. Night had fallen by the time he stood up. Leaving the garden was difficult, but he recognised he could not stay there. He must sleep, get warm, be happy. He must survive. He absentmindedly made his way home, gazing at the pinpricks of light the stars made in the vast dark sky.

He lay in bed that night, wide-eyed, wishing sleep would claim him. Vaguely he was aware of the uncomfortable itching of his back as his cuts slowly healed. His bed was warm and comfortable, he could feel that, but simultaneously he was aware of a mounting coldness spreading throughout his chest. He felt very alone.

* * *

Returning to school was a welcome distraction. Yuki tried to listen attentively in all his classes and sustain his regular level of socialising elsewhere. Groups of girls still seemed to fawn over him unfathomably. He overheard a few gossiping that he had been studying diligently over the holidays. At this, a cruel, bitter pain twisted his gut. They knew nothing. They adored him despite knowing almost nothing about him. He swallowed down his anger and continued being polite, courteous and quiet towards them. His injuries from Akito's punishment caused him some minor discomfort at school; it seemed the tablets from Hatori were working. Once however, he stretched slightly and felt a searing pain as one wound tore open again. He ignored the burning pain and the shameful tears in his eyes, and continued his conversation.

Aside from classes and other students, his return to school meant Yuki was reunited with Hatsuharu and Momiji. Kyo, Tohru and him met them at lunch on their first day back. Yuki found this meeting very relaxing and pleasant. Momiji excitedly doted over Tohru for the majority of the time. Kyo and Haru had a few terse words, but overall Yuki found the group very companionable. Haru seemed to understand, Yuki observed. He had never confided in Haru, or anyone, about the years he had spent with Akito. Yet Haru seemed to know. The look he gave Yuki was serious yet soft and seemed to cut right through the mundane banality of the cafeteria to ask Yuki if he was alright. Yuki answered with a forced smile and could tell Haru noticed the cracks in it.

Having a steady stream of homework to complete provided Yuki with a much needed outlet. He filled his evenings up, keeping his mind busy. He worked through the assigned homework, helped prepare dinner, talked with Shigure, watched television. Sometimes he provoked Kyo so he could vent some of his frustration in a sparring match. He completed extra work, tended to his vegetable garden and read well into the night. He worked until he was mentally exhausted. It was preferable to the alternative: lying awake for hours, dark thoughts swirling like mist and the coldness creeping through his body. He fell exhausted and immediately into uneasy sleep in the early hours, then dragged himself from bed the next morning for another full day.

This routine he implemented fairly successfully, for a week. Then Friday dawned, cool and crisp, and it was time to return to Akito.

* * *

**Sorry this chapter is a bit ity-bity and broken up! **


	5. Bad Dreams

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket.**

* * *

Akito smiled sweetly, causing Yuki to balk. He had been escorted into Akito's spacious bedroom on the Friday evening, after being picked up from Shigure's house. Before leaving he had forced himself to eat a sandwich, unsure when or if Akito would provide sustenace. Now however, as his stomach churned queasily, he almost wished he hadn't. His surly, silent escorts left and and once more he was alone with his God. Akito sprawled elegantly, almost impassivly, across the rich, red velvet throw on his bed. It was a very regal-looking bed; a magnificent mahogany four-poster. Yuki remembred how impressed he'd been by it when he first came to live with Akito. Foolish, naive boy, he thought bitterly. On the days he didn't displease Akito he was allowed to sleep in his room, in this bed. Consequently, Yuki had spent approximately half the nights of his childhood in Akito's room, and half in his special room. He shuddered. Akito raised himself slightly, the awful, sweet smile just playing at the corners of his mouth. He drummed his fingers lightly on the velvet, his dark eyes never leaving Yuki's ashen face. Yuki knew Akito rarely slept with the garish throw; usually he tossed and twisted most of the covers in his sleep, opting only for the light cotton sheet, except when he was poorly in which case he would be swadled in layers. Yuki gazed intently at Akito's slender, dancing fingers, focusing on their movements, rhythm, willing himself to conceal his fear. Abruptly, they stopped. Yuki froze.

"Yuki my dear", Akito murmered softly "Come." Yuki obediently crept over, head bowed low. For a moment he hoped Akito was feeling merciful. Then Akito rose, arm outstretched. Resigned, knowing there was no option, Yuki took Akito's hand and let himself be led into the adjoining room. His special room.

Akito traced his spidery fingers lightly over the wounds of last week's punishment. Yuki remained still and silent, his eyes on his discarded shirt. He was hyper-aware of every beat of his heart, every twitch of his fingers, every bead of anxious perspirstion. Hence when Akito gently kissed his back, the shock seemed to radiate through his entire being. The warm electricity spread as Akito kissed each wound once, and then again, gently caressing Yuki's shoulders. He laid his chin on a shoulder and wound his arms round Yuki's slender waist. They stayed that way for an immeasurable amount of time. Akito closed his eyes and smiled slightly. Yuki kept his wide open. He wondered how it was possible to feel such burning heat in his skin simultaneous to such suffocating cold in his chest. Eventually Akito released him. He clasped Yuki's chin softly, gazing into the boy's wide, unblinking eyes.

"You know, I love you the most Yuki dear. More than anyone ever will. More than they ever could." He tenderly kissed Yuki's forehead, and left.

That night, the nightmares came to Yuki. With nothing to occupy his mind, the darkness choked his thoughts. He tried focusing on other things, planning essays in his mind and attempting imaginary mathematical problems. Nothing helped. When he closed his eyes he saw Akito's smiling face looming through the darkness. As the long, still night wore on he began to see the same when his eyes were open. Not knowing if he was dreaming or hallucinating, or if Akito was really there, Yuki clutched his head tightly in his hands and squeezed his eyes shut. He wished for the comforting darkness and peace of a dreamless sleep. The next thing he was aware of was circles, soft, rhythmic circles on his cheek. He struggled to open his eyes, then flinched away when Akito's face came into focus, mere inches from his own.

"Yuki my dear. It seemed as though you were having a bad dream?" Akito purred "Let me protect you from the monsters, pet."

Yuki started. Usually he awoke at the opening of the door. The sudden close proximity to Akito made him uneasy. Akito seemed to be waiting for an answer. Yuki swalled.

"I was. Master," he manged to rasp. His throat was painfully dry. This seemed to satisfy Akito, who sat back with a thoughtful look.

"Care to share, dear?" Yuki hesitated then shook his head, lowering his eyes reverently. He fiercely hoped Akito would be appeased. It seemed this time he was. He withdrew his hand from Yuki's cheek, looking thoughtful. Slowly he rose, and stood over him. Yuki felt very vulnerable, curled in upon himself, his bare back exposed to the God's scrutiny. Silenty Akito left. Yuki released the breath he hadn't known he was holding. He gazed about the room. Weak yellow light was leeching in from the small solitary window, set too high to see out of. Yuki watched dust motes dance in the light, envying their freedom. He endevoured not to think of Akito, the looming face from his nightmares. It proved difficult.

When the light spilling in was at its brightest, Akito returned. He bore a tray which he carefully set down in the centre of the room. A delicious smell reached Yuki, causing his stomach to betray him with a growl. With a slight smile and twitch of the head, Akito invited Yuki over. He crawled, stopping just shy of the tray. There was a large bowl of brown soup, several slices of bread, a small cup of tea and a jug of water. Yuki gazed longingly at the soup, vaguely noting the tendrils of steam rising, twisting and disolving above it.

"You may eat." Yuki bowed his head respectfully before reaching gratefully for the soup, appreciating being given such a good meal. When he was finished eating Akito removed the tray with a tender smile.

Yuki pulled himself to his corner, feeling relatively comfortable. His throat no longer burned and his hunger was sated. He tried to remember the taste and texture of the food, to cling to these tiny details. And as he watched the light slowly ebb from the room, he tired not to think of Akito.

Yuki woke with a start. The door to the room was suddenly opened and Akito appeared, framed in the doorway. Darkness had fallen. Akito's silhouette loomed black and menacing in the gloom. Yuki strained to see, suddenky wide awake. His chest constricted as Akito swiftly closed the door and took several stealthy steps towards him.

"Yuki my dear," Akito's whisper carried clearly. "I was wondering. You enjoy living with Shigure?"

Yuki hesitated. Something was wrong. He struggled with his tongue and managed to choke out a strangled: "Yes- master." Akito took another lithe step towards him.

"And you enjoy the company of your companions? Shigure and Kyo?" He spat out Kyo's name, like a foul taste. He paused. "Tohru Honda?"

Yuki swalled nervously. He supposed he ought to tell the truth; Akito, must know he liked them anyway. With some trepidation he agreed. "Y-yes master."

He could make out Akito's smile. His pale face seemed to shine through the glooom, his dark eyes seeming more intense by contrast.

"And," he took another step, stopping just in front of Yuki "do you enjoy living with me?"

Yuki didn't know what would be best. To lie? He was acutely aware of his hammering heart.

"Yes master." His stomach bubbled with fear. Akito smiled wider at this, his dark eyes seeming to shine.

"You know, I had a dream Yuki. A bad dream." Yuki groaned internally and sub-consciously worried at his lower lip. When they were children together and Akito had bad dreams he would either hold Yuki close in a cuddle, or hit him. He moved further back into the corner.

"I dreampt that you, the disgusting disobedient rat, did not love me, your God. Instead," Akito bent down so he was gazing directly into Yuki's face, "you loved Miss Honda." A small giggle burst forth from Akito's tight lips. "And I thought, that is not true. The rat is worthless, pathetic and unlovable. He would not scorn the love of his God. But then," Akito paused again, another erratic giggle bursting forth, "I remembered you had missed New Year's. How could I forget?" he hissed. Yuki pressed himself against the wall. He was genuinely terrified. Akito straightened up swiftly, and drew something from his pocket: a candle and box of matches. He lit a candle, set it several feet from Yuki, and walked away. He muttered under his breath as he approached the cabinet. "Worthless... vile." Swiftly he drew the long whip out, casting dramatic shadows on the far wall.

"You did not come. You chose her." He stopped suddenly, and Yuki could see the heavy rise and fall of his chest in the flickering light of the candle. Akito's head snapped up.

"Master? Akito please" Yuki whimpered desperately.

Akito charged. He brought the whip above his head and it fell across Yuki's body, wrapping around his delicate stomach, leaving a red trail where it licked him. Yuki screamed. Again and again the whip fell. Instinctively Yuki protected his head, curling in the foetal position. Akito laughed manically. The lashes rained down, biting neck, back, legs. Yuki screamed, and tasted blood when he bit his tongue. The horrendous shadows darted and danced, telling the story, as Akito tipped his head back and laughed deliriously. Yuki's chest constricted and he felt that he couldn't breathe. A blow to the nape of his neck awarded him the unconsciousness he was desperately wishing for. As his mind shut down, protecting itself, the boy's broken body continued to suffer.

Yuki dragged his eyelid open with some effort. He tasted blood and felt a loose tooth with his thick tongue. As he struggled to comprehend, he realised Akito was still in the room. The whip lay on the floor. Its ornate handle glinted and the candlelight and blood glimmered on its tail. Its owner stood panting. It seemed he had exhausted himself. Blearily Yuki saw the way his hands and arms shook, and his body heaved as he gulped for air. He remained still, not wanting to draw attention. Mercifully, he sank into oblivion once more.

When next he was aware of seeing, Yuki noticed Akito immediately. He stooped down and retrieved the box of matches. Seeing Yuki was awake he walked slowly over. He stroked Yuki's head once then walked away. Stopping at the door, he pocketed the matches.

"You must learn to love the darkness again Yuki" was all he said, before withdrawing. The single candle spluttered nearby, reaching the end of its wax. All Yuki was aware of was darkness and pain.

A while later he noticed a horrible rasping sound. It scared him. It was only several minutes later, when he realised the sound was his own sobbing, that it stopped.


	6. Aftermath

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket. **

* * *

Yuki waited until the water was steaming. Gritting his teeth he stepped into the shower, hissing as the water hit his bloody, shredded back. His pushed his hands forcefully through his matted hair. His back stung and the water ran red down his legs, pooling mesmorisingly for a moment before twisting down the drain. Yuki didn't care; it felt so good to get clean. He closed his eyes, letting his forehead rest against the wall. The hot water hammered down. He tried to absorb the heat, to let it clense him. It was Akito's en-suite bathroom. Everything was pristine, the cold white marble and hard black slate contrasting elegantly. Yuki had used this shower many times. As a child this was where he washed, or was washed by Akito, before school. Now, as with the week before, it was where Akito sent him to get clean before returning to Shigure's house.

Yuki shivered despite the heat. Since Akito's attack on Saturday night Yuki had not seen him until just five minutes ago. He had sat silently in his room all day, watching the light grow and fade and feeling achingly alone. It had been a particularly vicious attack, ruthless and without warning. No part of him had been spared. As usual his back bore the majority of the injuries, but he had also recieved several wounds to his legs, feet and stomach. An especially unpleasant cut on his thigh made walking painful. The single injury which concerned him most was a delicate cut which traced almost gracefully from ear to collar bone. He didn't know how he would explain this, and the thought of Shigure, Tohru- anyone, learning the truth, the truth of how weak he was, made his stomach clench. When Akito had finally entered his room Yuki feared further violence and shrank away. Akito meerly extended his hand however, and when Yuki took it he led him gently to the bathroom. Without a word he had handed Yuki a towel and left.

Yuki lathered his hair with a sweet smelling shampoo and scrubbed fiercely. The water continued to run red. When he felt almost human again and the water ran almost clear, Yuki turned the shower off. He realised he was breathing heavily and worried the latest stress would cause his childhood asthma to resurface. Stepping gingerly from the shower, he wrapped the fluffy white towel around his shoulders, wincing as the soft fibres pressed into his open wounds. The room boasted several large mirrors, though all had been victims of Akito's rage and now showed only a distorted image through their thousonds of shattered fractals. Yuki carefully wiped the steam from one and gently peeled the towel from his back. His stomach churned. Reflected back a thousand times was a mutilated mess. Some cuts were still bleeding, the bright red merging with the water dripping from his hair. In others the skin was pink and puckered and attempting to heal. Yuki saw two sickening flaps of skin hanging loose where several cuts overlapped. He felt sick and sad. Did he deserve this? He couldn't believe he that did. Yuki stared at his distorted, shattered reflection for a long time that evening, wondering.

Unbeknownst to him, Akito watched his every movement from the door.

As he arrived back at Shigure's house Yuki breathed deeply, preparing himself. Akito had handed him a crisp shirt and neatly-pressed trousers and watched quietly and hungrily from the bed as Yuki dressed. The only things he had said were that he had decided a visit from Hatori every week was unneccesary, that every two weeks should suffice, and that he would see Yuki again on Friday. With that Yuki was silently escorted to the car, and driven away from the Sohma estate. The car stopped at Shigure's house and Yuki sighed. Akito's silence concerned him but he was so relieved to be home. He hoped he would be able to act normally.

When he entered, Tohru, Shigure and Kyo were playing some board game. He watched silently from afar for a minute, observing how they interacted. He found it touching. Tohru smiled almost constantly, appearing quite content between the other two. She was so beautiful when she smiled. Kyo seemed to be sulking a little, as usual, but Yuki noticed how he smiled when no-one was looking, and the way he looked at Tohru. Shigure seemed more composed than the other two; there was less open smiling but Yuki detected a certain happiness or pride in him. In that moment he felt so happy. And so sad. It was a perfect picture, warm, safe. And he was not in it.

Tohru noticed him first and her face lit up. She waved happily. "Yuki!" He smiled at her warmth. He made his way slowly over, his mask perfect.

"Hello" he murmered demurely. "It seems to me you are winning, Miss Honda?" Tohru nodded shyly.

"Well it's just beginner's luck, I'm really no good at it all!"

"Oh would you just accept that you are and be done with it! Kyo snapped, but playfully so no-one minded.

"Actually in this instance I'm inclined to agree with Kyo, I'm sure you're very good Miss Honda" Yuki said smoothly. Tohru blushed. Then she frowned.

"But what happened to your face Yuki?" Yuki felt his mask slipping ever so slightly. He shrugged slightly.

"Oh that?" he said nonchalantly, "We were pruning roses at the estate and Haru and Momiji got a little carried away dueling with the trimmings. You know what they're like." He smiled warmly, feeling cold inside.

The evening pased comfortably. The four continued to play and chat for some time. Yuki and Kyo bickered occasionally but ultimately worked together to ensure Tohru won the game. Shigure looked on. He was quieter than usual with less silly jokes and innuendo. He continued to be drawn to the cut on Yuki's face. It disquieted him. Whenever Yuki saw him looking the boy would look away nervously. Shigure worried what Akito was doing to the poor boy.

That night Kyo and Tohru fell asleep quickly and happily. Shigure remained awake for a while, mulling dark thoughts over and wondering if he should talk to Hatori or even Ayame about Yuki. He fell asleep uneasily. Yuki stayed awake for several hours longer. He tried to curl up and sleep but when the darkness seemed to close in, suffocating him, he began to pace. Eventually he found peace at the window. For almost three hours he gazed out. He looked at the trees and the grass but mainly at the stars and the twinkling lights of the town in the distance. When eventually he was able to sleep he woke sweating and shaking, having seen Akito's white face looming through the darkness, always coming for him.

Several days later Shigure found out the truth.

Yuki had been tending to his garden after school. He spent increasing amounts of time there now. As he bent to gather some dead leaves he felt a searing pain as several cuts wrenched themselves open. With a gasp of pain he stood up, trying to asses the damage. It was hard to tell. As he collected his gardening tools to head back and examine it properly, he felt another burst of pain. Fearing the worst he dropped the tools and removed his school shirt. As he suspected, the blood had soaked through the cotton. Without Hatori's examination this week he had no bandages or dressings. He realised with a sinking feeling that he would have to wash the shirt. He donned it again and made his way wearily home. Surreptitiously entering the house, he stole to the washing machine, his feet barley making a whisper. He stripped quickly and tossed his shirt in. As he reached for another to wear he felt a third flash of pain. A bout of nausea hit him and he clutched the counter for support. As he steadied himself he considered that because all the cuts were connected, opening one would cause others to open too. He had no bandages and no money. Worse, he knew this would only intensify if Akito continued to paint new injuries over the already wounded and scarred canvas. As the hopelessness of his situation overwhelmed him, Yuki felt an ugly sob rise up in his throat. His shoulders shook as he fought for control, both over the nausea and the fear.

At that moment Shigure entered. He gasped at what he saw.

The boy's back was gory. Shigure took in with horror the profuse bleeding of some new gashes as well as the painful red raw quality of others. Beneath this he saw the shimmer of many scars, years old. He felt sick. Yuki's body was shaking violently. He clutched the counter tightly, his knuckles white with the effort of steadying himself. Shigure couldn't help himself: "Oh Yuki" he breathed sadly. At this Yuki turned, his face fear-stricken. He paled visibly. Shigure saw several more wounds on the boy's shaking stomach. Yuki trembled, his arms moving erratically across his body, seemingly trying to cover himself up. He shrank against the counter and Shigure raised his hands slowly to show he meant no harm. "Yuki" he started, but he didn't know what to say. Eventually Yuki managed to control his breathing and master the shaking. He reached desperately for a shirt and quickly pulled in on. Shigure stared at him for a long time. He wanted to help. He knew he couldn't.

"Shigure" Yuki began timidly, "Please- please don't tell anyone." He pleaded with earnest, watery eyes. It wasn't what Shigure had expected. It almost went against his better judgement but how could he refuse Yuki like this? After a moment he nodded. "I won't." He said it firmly and Yuki nodded his head appreciatively. "Thank you." He turned the washing machine on. With a small, sad smile he brushed past Shigure leaving the older man feeling useless and helpless.

They didn't discuss what had passed between them. Shigure had several burning questions but knew Yuki needed not to think about that stuff here. He never mentioned it, though Yuki sometimes caught him staring. Sometimes Yuki would ignore this, sometimes he would smile sadly in return. Shigure worried but didn't interfere. When Yuki said he wasnt feeling hungry, he didn't make a fuss. When the bags under Yuki's eyes deepened and he spent surplus amounts of time at his garden, Shigure ignored it. When Yuki started drinking coffee late into the night, Shigure bought more. He merely stayed silent and worried.

For Yuki, another person knowing made him feel vulnerable, weak. He was tired and anxious almost constantly.

There was a crack in his mask.

* * *

**Not too sure where I was going with this chapter. Hope it was alright? Thanks for reading and reviewing! **


	7. Time Heals All Wounds

**So first of all thank you so much to The Character's Death, XxxEmotionalPrincessxxX and 16craftytigers for reviewing every chapter! You're great and it really means so much to me! **

**Secondly, I still don't own Fruits Basket. **

* * *

After five weeks of visiting Akito on the weekends, Yuki was exhausted. He hardly slept when he was at the estate, his anxiety constantly bubbling beneath the surface. Akito had not lashed out seriously in several weeks, there had only been mild hitting and kicking which Yuki was well accustomed to. For hours Akito would whisper in his ear, taunting him, belittling him. Yuki grew used to this too, and his mind wrapped itself in its protective blanket of darkness once more.

When he returned to Shigure's house during the week he felt, if possible, even more exhausted. The effort to smile and talk and try to eat with the others drained him. At school he struggled completely. Focusing in class was becoming that much harder as he trudged through his days on only a few hours sleep, attempting to ignore the face from his nightmares which now leeched through in his waking hours. When he walked down the corridors he felt everyone was staring at him, sneering. He saw them appraising his weakness and thought they murmured behind their hands of how pathetic he was.

He was jumpy, and anxious. And tired. It had been a long five weeks...

At school on the third week, he had felt his mask tremble. He had been in class and then suddenly seemed to be in the midst of the cafeteria. He worried about the apparent lapses in his focus and memory. Judging by the clock he had been there for ten minutes. It was noisy, so noisy. He felt all his senses assaulted. The sound crashed down upon him, there was colour and movement and smell. He frowned, trying to collect himself and make sense of it. He realised he was sitting next to Tohru. Kyo was on her other side and Haru and Momiji sat across from them. He looked down and saw he had some pasta dish. He examined it curiously, noticing Tohru and Haru had the same. He thought he noticed Haru shooting him a worried glance. He began to pick at the food, having no appetite. Just then he heard his name. It was Tohru. What was she saying?

"...Yuki. Someone could have been seriously hurt!"

What was this? He tried to focus. Haru and Momiji's faces swivelled to look at him. Momiji looked confused.

"Sorry, what was that Miss Honda?" Yuki managed politely.

"I was just saying they should have been more careful pruning the roses. That cut could have been a lot more serious."

Yuki's breath hitched and he felt himself blushing. He'd been caught out. Momiji opened his mouth but Haru cut over him smoothly: "You're right, as always. But you know what they say, boys will be boys." He gave Tohru a foxy grin and raised an eyebrow. She blushed, completely distracted. As Kyo fumed down the table about Haru's "inappropriate behaviour", Yuki let out a sigh of relief. Haru gave him a sad, searching look. Yuki silently thanked him. They couldn't know he was so weak, so pathetic. He couldn't stand Tohru knowing that. Momiji didn't say anything more, for which Yuki was grateful; despite his immature behaviour, he knew Momiji understood about secrets.

One evening, after returning to Shigure's on the fourth week, Yuki had wandered to his garden and sat still, his mind blank for several hours. As the dusk faded to night, Tohru appeared. She was the only person Yuki had taken to his garden. It was his special place, his own. She approached gently and he didn't move. He wondered bitterly what she thought of him. Did she see the same despicable wretch Akito did? He shivered, and heard Akito's cruel whisper in the gentle wind which tickled the trees.

It didn't seem she felt that way. She knelt at eye-level and he gazed into her beautiful eyes, so kind and honest. She sat with him until he was able to convince himself the cruel whispering was just the wind, and come back to himself. When he blinked and shifted position slightly she seemed to know he was there. She stood and extended her hand timidly. Yuki vividly recalled Akito doing the same before a weekend of pain and darkness. He gulped and forced himself to react. This was Tohru. And she didn't hate him. Although maybe he was wretched, as Akito said, she didn't seem to hate him. He clung to that, and took her hand. It was small, warm and comfortable, very different to Akito's. They walked through the trees in peaceful silence, neither needing to speak.

Long after she had released his hand at his bedroom door, Yuki held on to it in his memory. The warmth. The softness. And most importantly, the hope that maybe someone didn't hate him.

He had behaved perfectly for Akito. He'd shown reverence and respect, bowing low and crawling to meet him, addressing him always as master. At the same time, he'd forced himself to answer Akito's questions, to muster a reply to his taunts. Each Friday evening he was ready early, waiting, no longer skulking away from the escorts who came for him. He did not whimper or cry out or flinch in Akito's presence. All of this seemed to please Akito, to Yuki's extreme relief.

On his fifth visit, Akito had brought him two meals both days he spent at the main house. He rewarded Yuki's meekness and politeness with warm blankets, ample food and soft touches.

Now, as the night drew in on the sixth Friday, Yuki sipped a strong coffee. He had just finished a delicious risotto Tohru had prepared. He watched the night, thinking. He used to like the taste of coffee, but since he started using it as a crutch to fight his nightmares it had become bitter to him. He tipped the cup and gulped the rest. He would need any energy it could provide. After swilling the cup out, he returned to the window, waiting.

Akito greeted him in his own bedroom that night. As the escorts nodded curtly and left, Akito stretched elegantly on the bed, very cat-like in his movements. He smiled up at Yuki. Yuki felt the warmth of the coffee in his chest. He drew on his remaining reserves of strength, and smiled.

"Master." He inclined his head respectfully, forcing the smile to seem natural. It seemed to please.

"Hmm, come my dear." Akito murmured. Yuki dropped to his hands and knees, and crawled to the bed. He felt no more alive than a puppet.

By the shifting of the bed he could tell Akito was sitting up. He didn't move, gaze fixed upon his own bare feet. Finally Akito reached down, breaking the stillness. Gently holding Yuki's face, he manipulated the boy's kneeling position so they were face to face. Ignoring his racing heart, Yuki forced himself to maintain eye contact. Eyes narrowing slightly, Akito smiled sweetly.

"Yuki my sweet little rat, how would you like to spend the night with your God, hmm?"

Yuki's breathing hitched. Struggling not to betray any emotion, he inhaled deeply through his nose.

"T-that would be an honour master" he whispered. Still Akito stared deeply into his eyes. His thoughts raced, tumbling over one another and becoming tangled as he tried to understand. What did this mean? Was Akito forgiving him? Yuki almost dared to hope so, but Akito's smile sent a chill through him.

"Stay here my sweet, I have things to attend to for now." Akito left, sweeping gracefully from the room. Yuki remained where he was, not daring to move. It was certainly more comfortable here than in his special room. It was considerably warmer, larger, brighter. Seeing an elaborate vase of flowers on a chest of drawers, Yuki focused on a single flower; an elegant white lily. It was so simple and striking. He thought Tohru would like it for her mother's grave. Thoughts of Tohru's kindness almost made him smile as he awaited his God's return.

When Akito returned he was holding two steaming cups. He set then down carefully on the ornate bedside cabinet, and turned to Yuki.

"Now my dear, bedtime."

He drew from the wardrobe a pair of white cotton pyjama trousers and a pale blue-t-shirt. Wordlessly he handed them to Yuki. Yuki swallowed. He felt uneasy and awkward. Resignedly he removed his shirt, draping it over the back of the plush desk chair. Akito reclined on the bed, clutching his cup in both hands. Pulling on the t-shirt, Yuki noted how soft it was. He quickly slid his trousers and boxers off, angling his body away from Akito. Because of this, he didn't see Akito's tongue dart out to moisten his lips, eyes glinting. Quickly stepping into the cotton trousers, Yuki sighed in relief.

Akito patted the bed beside him. When Yuki tentatively sat, Akito handed him the other cup.

"Tea" he murmured, "with honey. Hatori recommends it for both of us. He believes your asthma is returning. We don't want that, do we my sweet?" Yuki shook his head, taking a small sip.

"No master." They drank side by side in silence for some time. When Akito was finished he gently stroked Yuki's fine hair. When Yuki finished, he smiled.

"Time to brush your teeth my dear." He cooed, indicating the bathroom door. Yuki nodded. He closed his eyes the moment he was alone in the bathroom, taking a deep breath. He felt clammy. He felt unclean. Splashing cool water on his face was refreshing. He took as long as he dared, brushing his teeth methodically. He urinated, washed his hands and steadied himself against the counter. With a nervous sigh, he left the cool safety of the bathroom.

Akito had changed. He wore silk pyjamas, maroon with a navy trim. Once more he was reclining on the bed. He smiled at Yuki and again patted the bed next to him.

"Come to bed my little rat."

Feeling like a child, Yuki approached. He drew the covers over his body which suddenly seemed so small. He didn't realise he was worrying at his lower lip until Akito placed a cool finger over his mouth.

"Come now, stop that dear" came the soft reprimand. Akito reached over slowly, turning the light off and plunging them into darkness. Yuki's pulse raced as he felt Akito return.

His eyes adjusted quickly; years of living in darkness had sharpened them. He saw the face of his nightmares looming towards him. But this wasn't a nightmare.

"We wouldn't want you running your beautiful lips, would we my sweet, hmm?" The whisper came from the mouth mere inches from his own. Yuki felt the warm breath tickle his chin. A hand caressed his jaw. A nose brushed his.

Akito gently pressed his lips to his. Yuki froze, unresponsive. Sparks were radiating from his lips. They felt surprisingly hot. Akito's breath mingled with his own. It was tender. It was terrifying. Inside his mind there was screaming. He couldn't breathe.

Then suddenly, the lips were gone. He heard a dark chuckle. Akito shifted and drew the terrified boy closer. Yuki felt fingers gently stroking his hair, his neck, his arms. They encircled him, holding him tightly, closely.

"Sleep my sweet." The dark chuckle came again, and it scared Yuki more than any beating.

He couldn't sleep. He lay trembling in Akito's arms. His mind struggled. His body was being held and caressed by Akito. His God. His tormenter. The face of his nightmares.

His dreams were vivid, confusing and scary. Though less so than his reality.

Akito was absent for much of the next day, running errands he said. He did appear twice with food. They shared the meals in Akito's bedroom. The food was unusually rich and elaborate. It was too much for Yuki. His appetite had been lacking of late but he endeavoured to eat as much as he could, not wanting to displease Akito. That night Akito again invited him into his bed. Again, they sipped tea together. Again, Akito pressed his lips against Yuki's, to no response. And again they slept intertwined, the younger boy quaking in the cage Akito's body made.

When Hatori came to examine Yuki the following day he was pleasantly surprised to find no new injuries needing his attention. He applied antibacterial cream to some of the old cuts, and gave Yuki painkillers. "They'll be fine soon. Time heals all wounds Yuki." With a gentle, reassuring smile, he left. Yuki couldn't leave Akito's chambers, but the bedroom and bathroom were so much more stimulating and pleasant than his special room that this was no hardship for him. He had been given leave to shower and did so gratefully, letting the hot water soak him thoroughly.

Shortly before he was to be taken back to Shigure's that evening, Akito turned to him.

"I have decided that visiting me every two weeks should suffice henceforth." Yuki struggled to keep his happiness from betraying him on his face. With effort, he managed.

"Understood master" he murmured.

Akito paused at the door. "Do not give me reason to regret this decision Yuki." He swept from the room.

Returning to Shigure's that evening, Yuki felt the first stirrings of hope. The warmth of the others enveloped him instantly when he entered the house. That night, he slept peacefully.

The first weekend he wasn't obligated to visit Akito felt strange to Yuki. He woke anxious and shaken from a dream he couldn't remember. Hearing Tohru humming downstairs, he almost didn't believe it was real. Was this really the dream? He heard a small clatter and Tohru apologising profusely, and decided he didn't much care whether it was or not: he was going to enjoy it.

Visiting Akito every two weeks caused his nightmares to lesson. With more sleep he found he could focus more. He joined in more conversations, and felt himself becoming an active participant in his own life once more. It was amazingly pleasant.

Akito now invited him to spend the night in his bedroom each Friday evening. Yuki always accepted gratefully, fearing the alternative. Akito brought tea, watched him undress, kissed him, caressed him. After three fortnightly visits, Akito began kissing Yuki's neck in the dark. Yuki froze, fear bubbling in his stomach. The kisses were soft but urgent. Yuki's mind rejected the unwanted contact with its tormentor. Eventually they stopped and they fell asleep together.

One morning Yuki awoke to find Akito kissing his cheek.

One morning Yuki awoke to find Akito crying at the corner of the bed.

One morning Yuki awoke to find Akito slapping him hard across the face.

Once he woke to find Akito caught in the midst of a nightmare. Akito whimpered and twitched, his face contorting and limbs flailing. Yuki flinched away. He didn't know what to do. As his God gave a pitiful sob, Yuki reached out to him. He gently but swiftly removed the velvet throw he knew Akito didn't like. He pulled the cotton sheet up from where it was twisted at Akito's feet. Carefully he wrapped Akito in it. Noting the sheen of sweat on Akito's brow, he held him close, attempting to rub soothing circles on his back. Akito gradually stilled in Yuki's arms, his breathing stabilising. Seeing him vulnerable was strange and disconcerting for Yuki. He awoke shortly after, and appeared confused to find Yuki comforting him. After a mere second however, his face smoothed and he composed himself.

"Yuki" he smiled sleepily. "Good little rat."

During this period things at Shigure's were going well. The four had settled into a comfortable living routine Yuki would not have believed possible when Tohru and Kyo came to live with them. Weeks passed. Tohru, Kyo, Momiji and him visited a spa resort for White Day which Yuki found surprisingly relaxing and pleasant.

Akito announced Yuki could visit him once a month provided he continued to behave at the main estate, at school and at Shigure's house. Yuki hid his delight well. Things were returning to normal and he was deeply relieved.

He found himself spending more time with his brother Ayame . It seemed Tohru was determined for them to become closer. The thought made him smile wryly. Still, he had to admit that it had been almost nice to get to know Ayame, considering their difficult past relationship.

As the months eased comfortably by, Yuki found himself smiling even when no-one was watching.  
He realised with a start one day that he was happy.

He spent most of his time with Shigure, Kyo and especially Tohru. They were his family. Once a month he visited Akito. He would spend the weekend wrapped in the older boy's embrace. These interactions with Akito confused him, and made him nervous, but he accepted them readily over the alternative. For a few days after the weekends at Akito's, he would feel low. He'd crave solitude and seek out his garden. Often he felt tainted, infected.  
The majority of the month however, Yuki now felt fine. Absolutely fine.

The wounds on his body were healing: some scarring, others disappearing altogether. As he laughed with the others, Yuki wondered if Hatori was right.

Maybe time did heal all wounds.

Of course, he really should have known better.

* * *

**Sorry this chapter is kinda all over the place and jumping about, I just needed time to pass to get onto the next thing -sorry! **


	8. A God's Plan Thwarted

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket.**

* * *

The rain came tumbling down. It hammered its angry fists on the roof and Yuki was glad of the warmth and shelter. He was attempting to help Tohru prepare dinner, though his practically non-existent cooking skills weren't making it easy. Still, he was happy. Kyo sulked at the table, gaze drawn miserably to the rain streaking down the window. Kagura sat beside him, chatting relentlessly. Yuki had tuned her out and he suspected Kyo was doing the same. He smiled ruefully. Recently Tohru, Kyo and himself had been getting on unusually well. Yuki found he was comfortable around them, that the three fit together quite nicely. It was May, and a particularly wet one at that, much to Kyo's dislike. It had been two weeks since Yuki last stayed with Akito, so two weeks until he would return again. Currently on the pinnacle between the two visits, this time of the month was Yuki's happiest. It felt the most normal. He could almost forget about the time spent with Akito. He could laugh and live.

This evening was especially welcome because Kazuma, the Sohma family's martial arts master, was visiting. Yuki knew he'd been like a father to Kyo. He had watched with interest the way the two interacted that afternoon. It was curious and touching. It made him pleased for Kyo, but also evoked strange feelings of emptiness. He wondered as he untidily chopped vegetables, if he was envious of the stupid cat. He supposed maybe he was. A father would have been nice. Perhaps his life would have been different. Shigure and Kazuma returned. Yuki thought Shigure looked rather serious. He soon forgot however, as the six of them sat around the table for dinner.

The rain continued that evening, determined to beat its way in. Yuki sat at his desk, his mind only partially on the essay he was beginning. Hearing a commotion outside he drifted to the window. Confused, he saw Kyo and Kazuma standing several feet apart in the pouring rain. They seemed to be having a heated discussion. Were they arguing? With concern, Yuki saw Kazuma grab Kyo's bracelet-bearing wrist. He knew the power of the bracelet, and what it concealed, but he had never seen Kyo's true form. When they were children Akito had told him the form of the original cat was hideous, disgusting. With a morbid curiosity he couldn't help, Yuki leaned forward. He spotted Tohru approaching the yard, sheltered under a large umbrella. With a fierce final pull, Kazuma wrenched the bracelet from Kyo's wrist. It spun mystifyingly, before landing dramatically in a puddle.

Kyo's body seemed to be contorting. His limbs bulged and lengthened. He sprouted dark orange fur. His jaw elongated, and even from the second story Yuki could see his eyes morph terrifyingly. In fascinated horror, Yuki examined the new Kyo. Tohru seemed to have frozen.

As the cat gave a pitiful whine and struck off into the night, his God laughed cruelly.

Akito watched from the cover of the trees. He barely felt the cold or rain, such was his excitement. Everything was going to plan. The cat was a monster. The girl would see that and run from his cursed family. His dear Yuki would return lovingly. It would be as it should be. The God and the rat were always the closest. His sweet little Yuki would be back soon. He giggled in the darkness. Miss Honda suddenly ran into the forest. This was all going deliciously well. He followed her quickly, his anger driving him forward. He came upon her shortly after. With a moan of satisfaction he realised she was vomiting.

"What's this, Tohru Honda? But what are you doing out here? Is something wrong?" he murmured, faking innocence. He approached stealthily. She clutched a tree for support, her shoulders heaving. This close, he could see her tears through the gloom. It sent an excited chill through him.

"It serves you right you know." He chuckled darkly. "What do you really know about the Sohmas? Do you think you understand what it means to be cursed, do you?"

She continued to sob satisfyingly. It was delightful.

"You deserve this pain." She had stopped sobbing and now shook, her eyes wide with fear. He drew an almost sensual pleasure from seeing her like this. He took a shuddering breath.

"Akito!" the voice rang harsh and clear through the trees. Shigure. Akito rose reluctantly, irritated at the intrusion. Suddenly aware of the rain he realised he was soaking. He sneered down at the girl, the maggot. With derision he strode away from her, towards Shigure and the house. Yuki was his now. Shigure looked concerned. Akito smiled widely and menacingly as he brushed passed him. Yes, Yuki was _his_, and his alone.

Yuki still stared out the window at the rain. His mind was strangely blank. He watched the rivets of water run down the glass, grouping together and splitting again. Suddenly he heard his name, softly. It was Kagura. She knelt.

"Why didn't you go after him?" she murmured gently. "Do you still hate Kyo that much?"

Yuki sighed. "I've always hated him, my entire life. He's the cat and I'm the rat. We were born hating each other. That's the way it's always been, and that's the way it'll always be." The old line, yet it didn't feel right. The words twisted strangely in his mouth. He felt like a dummy; the ventriloquist was choosing the words. Did he really believe that anymore?

"I wonder, who decided it had to be that way...?"

Yuki started. What did she mean? Should he go to Kyo? Doubt flooded his thoughts.

"The only one who can help, the person he needs most, is Tohru."

Was she right? She seemed so wise in that moment. Yuki realised all the Sohmas had to grown up before their time. He swallowed.

He had to go to Kyo. Kyo needed him. And, he was his friend. The feud between the cat and the rat could be postponed for one night he decided. He was already dashing to the door, his body springing into action before his mind had finished processing. He darted out into the pouring rain, not pausing to grab a jacket. Sprinting into the forest, his chest burning with the effort, he knew he had to get to Kyo, and to Tohru. He had to help them.

He didn't notice the silent figure on the porch. Akito watched Yuki get swallowed by the darkness. He felt a vast fury simmering deep in his heart. His Yuki. Running after _them_. He seethed, waiting.

Shigure watched, nervous. He saw the way Akito breathed through his tightly flared nostrils, the way his small hands balled into fists. He waited, anxiously pacing. He hoped Yuki and Tohru could save Kyo. But who would save Yuki?

The sun broke through the trees at last, winking down on them. The rain had stopped, and now the world was new and fresh. Yuki's clothes were sodden. Tohru carried Kyo who purred contentedly in her arms. His orange fur was soaked and lay in untidy flattened clumps. He didn't seem to care. Yuki carried Kyo's trousers, figuring it would be best to have them in case he changed back soon, for Tohru's sake. She was stroking Kyo's head and humming quietly. Yuki felt good. He felt whole. Tohru had managed to get through to Kyo, she had reached the boy trapped within the monster's body. Yuki was strangely at peace, glad he could help Kyo. Hopefully his cousin would accept himself now Tohru had accepted him. Kagura had been right. Yuki tilted his head back, revelling in the first warmth of the morning sun. He smiled contentedly.

As the three approached the house, Shigure let out a shaky, relieved laugh. He ran his fingers through his hair. Tohru was beaming, holding Kyo tightly in her arms. Yuki followed, more composed, but Shigure could sense his smile. Beside him, Akito stirred for the first time since Yuki had disappeared into the trees. His head tilted mechanically to the side. His unblinking eyes narrowed. Shigure saw him arch and crack his back. He lowered his head into his taunt, trembling hands, and when he raised his face up again, he was smiling. His smile was tightly restrained and his burning, manic eyes revealed the darkness within. As he clawed at his cheeks, the God giggled. The noise seemed to surprise him, and he giggled some more. It scared Shigure a bit. He sighed sadly, and went to meet them.

Yuki had seen Akito on the porch as Shigure greeted Tohru in evident relief. The hysterical giggling sent shivers through him. Akito's eyes bore into him and eventually Yuki met them. Suddenly the day felt very cold. He watched Akito stagger inside, still smiling. The others were talking but he couldn't hear a word of it. He excused himself.

He found Akito sprawled on his bed. He was toying with Yuki's pillow. Yuki approached with trepidation. As he crossed the threshold and closed the door quietly behind him, Akito's neck swiveled round. His lips were tightly pressed together. Yuki halted. His nerves were coiled like springs. He didn't like Akito being here. His two worlds were suddenly horribly merged. Akito was too close to them. Too close to her. It made him horribly uncomfortable.

Akito rose suddenly, dragging Yuki's pillow with him. He inhaled deeply, closing his eyes. When they snapped open Yuki winced.

"Yuki. _My_ Yuki. My dear, sweet little rat." Akito sighed. "What have you done?" This question hung in the air between them, quivering. Yuki couldn't answer.

Very purposefully Akito raised his pillow to his face and inhaled deeply. A low, satisfied moan escaped him.

"I need...some time... to myself. But, you will come to me Yuki." Akito promised in a whisper. "You will come to me before the night is over."

Akito drifted to where Yuki was frozen, stopping beside him. "And don't make me come for you Yuki. If you do, I promise I will wrap my wrath around the inhabitants of this house, and suffocate them." He smiled, his dark eyes glinting. He planted the ghost of a kiss on Yuki's face, causing Yuki's breath to hitch. Akito moved on. He carelessly dropped the pillow.

"Yuki my dear, I am afraid this will not be... pleasant... for you."

Yuki felt sick. He felt rather than heard Akito leave. On weak legs he stumbled to his bed and sank down. Something crumbled deep within him, in his mind or his heart. He felt it shudder and shatter, and turn to ashes and dust. This wasn't fair. He was meant to have two more weeks. Two more weeks, that was what the world owed to him. He had been good, he had really tried. He had been kind and hard working. He had run into the pouring rain last night to help a friend. He was owed two weeks. A harsh, bitter sob rose up in his throat like bile. It wasn't fair.

The others were happily eating breakfast when he joined them. He sat. He ate. He smiled. As though everything was fine. Later he mentioned casually that he would be visiting the main house that evening. He managed to control the tremble in his voice, even sounding fairly pleased. He was a good actor now. Shigure frowned. Yuki saw him grimace down at him but he tactfully ignored it. Kazuma and Kagura barely seemed to register his announcement; their attention was focused on Kyo. Kyo himself scowled slightly and Tohru seemed a little down. She didn't say anything however, and the moment passed.

None of them could see. None of them could see he was slowly breaking. Like a pebble tossed by the sea, he was wearing thin. The ebb and flow of the mighty ocean was too powerful for him. He was just a little pebble. He would drown. If he didn't drown the sea would take everything from him. The dust he became would scatter on the beach, forgotten. But none of them could see that.

As the afternoon shadows began to lengthen, their long fingers pointing him onwards, Yuki left the house. Shigure had hugged him tightly. This unusual tenderness surprised him. When he pulled back he saw Shigure's eyes glinted with tears. With a shaking voice he had told Yuki he was sorry. That he wished he could help. Yuki heard himself telling Shigure that none of it was his fault, that he'd done everything he could to help Yuki. In truth, Shigure had helped him immensely; by offering up his home Yuki had been granted freedom from his personal hell. Saying goodbye to Kyo and Tohru was easier because they didn't know. Kyo, it seemed, was angry Yuki was leaving. Yuki found he had no energy to care. Tohru seemed saddened at his leaving, which touched him more. She reached out as he left, as though to embrace him, but restrained herself at the last moment. She hung her head and Yuki sadly turned his back on her. What was the point in emotional outpourings now?

As he walked, he felt a dark bitterness infecting his thoughts. This wasn't fair. He passed the trees and the empty fields, then when he entered town, houses. He glimpsed families within, sitting to dinner. Why didn't he deserve that? What had he done? He suspected Akito had wanted him to walk to enhance his torture. Carrying himself to his hell was considerably more difficult than being taken there. With every step he fought the urge to turn and run. He knew he had to go. He knew he couldn't allow Akito anywhere near his family, near Tohru. This knowledge however, did not make his journey any easier.

When he arrived at the Sohma Estate, he was almost shaking. The effort to keep walking, to drag his feet along one after the other, had been tremendous. He leaned his head against the wall, attempting to regain his composure before he entered. More than anything, he didn't want to.

He was just a little pebble. A simple, small pebble. He did not want for much. All he desired was to lie on the beach, with the chance of seeing the sun. If the strong currents of the sea caught hold of him, they would drag him twisting into darkness. He could not survive the fall into darkness. All he wanted was the safety of the beach, the light of the sun. He had tried hauling himself onto the beach, desperate not to drown. Even now though, he felt the dark waters lapping at his edges. And they were oh so inviting. They whispered to him, promising peace.

He tried to force the waves back, but he was weak and they were strong. He needed to be strong. Please don't let him fall into the darkness. He didn't know who he was talking to. No-one was listening anyway. He entered the Sohma Estate.

* * *

**I used some quotes from the Fruits Basket anime in this chapter but I still don't own it, or any characters etc.!  
Thanks for reading! **


	9. Punishment

When Yuki saw them he faltered. Glinting menacingly, they hung from the wall. They seemed to smile down, promising sweet pain and an end to freedom. Manacles. He cringed, feeling the dark waves washing over him. Akito pressed a hand to the small of his back, forcing him forwards.

"They are fabulous aren't they my sweet? Hmm? Brand new and shiny, just for you." Akito was practically humming with excited energy. Light on his feet, he drifted along, his hands constantly twisting and dancing.

"Imagine me getting a present just for you my dear. You should be very grateful. You worthless, insolent piece of scum." He smiled widely, taking a deep, shuddering breath.

Yuki wanted to run. Every one of his atoms screamed at him to run. But he didn't. He couldn't. His God wanted him to do something, so he did it. A pebble in the face of a tsunami. Powerless.

Akito indicated a large wooden box and with a sinking feeling, Yuki stepped onto it. Akito joined him, pressing his slender body uncomfortably close to Yuki's. He gently pulled Yuki's arms above his head, one by one. When the cuffs clicked closed Yuki knew he was utterly trapped. Akito nuzzled his nose against his. Yuki could not suppress his shudder and Akito tilted his neck to the side, eyes as always, unblinking.

"Yuki," he whispered, and his breath tickled Yuki's cheek. "What have you done?" As with earlier, Yuki found he couldn't answer. What could he say?

"You know I love you Yuki. More than you deserve." The voice came softly as a lover's.

Ever so gently, he bit down on Yuki's nose. Yuki closed his eyes, and did nothing.

Akito continued to gaze at him as he gracefully stepped down from the box. He looked thoughtful.

Slowly, deliberately, he pushed the box away.

Yuki struggled for a moment, his feet desperately scrabbling for hold, before it was hopeless.

Instantly he felt searing pain in his wrists. The cold metal dug into his tender flesh, pressing painfully against his prominent veins. He gasped, and Akito smiled.

Akito whispered to himself as he walked away. Yuki frantically tried to find some purchase on the wall behind him, twisting and contorting his legs, hoping for a rough patch or an indent, anything that could support him. There was none. The wall was unyieldingly, fruitlessly smooth.

"I'll be back my sweet," Akito muttered, more to himself than to Yuki. "Don't you go anywhere now" he sang gleefully over his shoulder as he left the room.

Yuki gasped as the door closed. His arms were stretched far apart above his head. The muscles in them stood taunt and strained as his feeble wrists supported his entire weight. The web of veins stood blue and bold, a patchwork of rivers on his shaking arms. His wrists continued to burn, and he was aware of a dull ache blooming in his shoulders.

He watched the chunky candle beneath his dangling feet flicker. He wanted to live in the light; the sun and the beach. This wasn't fair. He couldn't survive in this prison of darkness. A dry, desperate sob escaped him.  
It was a wretched sound, for a wretched place.

By the time Akito returned, Yuki's wrists were numb. Shooting pains caressed his thumbs and tugged at his shoulder blades. His biceps burnt and ached. He watched Akito through eyes bleary with pain. He tried to focus. Akito advanced. He heaved the wooden box over and stepped onto it. Yuki gratefully rested his feet on it. They were eye-to-eye now. Slowly, and without removing his eyes from Yuki's, Akito undid Yuki's trousers. Yuki felt them slide to his ankles, helpless to do anything. Akito stepped down. He left Yuki's boxers in place. He pulled the box away and dropped Yuki's trousers on the floor. Yuki trembled. He was laid bare. Unprotected. He felt sick.

With a tilted head, Akito drew from his pocket another set of manacles. Yuki squirmed and tried to draw away from him. He couldn't help it, his instinct took over; his body know it was in danger. Without hesitation Akito slapped him sharply across the thigh.

"Do not make this more difficult" he hissed.

With some struggle, he succeeded in clamping the manacles shut around Yuki's ankles. Yuki now had mere inches of freedom to move his feet.

Akito left. He returned mere minutes later. He carried two things Yuki's mind could not immediately make sense of. He felt them before he saw them. He felt the heat they brought to the room. It confused him. He squinted, and when his mind finally processed a jolt of fear snapped him from his pain-filled stupor instantly.

Akito carried a large basin almost full of steaming water, and a metal jug. Setting them down he breathed heavily for a minute; their weight had tired him.

Yuki struggled desperately against the chains. He felt sick. This was different. This was new, and he was not ready. He had no more reserves of strength or energy.

Akito regained his composure and drew himself up. There was no smile, nor glinting eyes. His lips were tightly pressed together and his eyes were hard as flint.

He sighed. "See what you've made me do Yuki. Why have you done this to me?" He seemed genuinely puzzled and saddened. "You have dragged us both into _sin_." He hissed the last word and suddenly Yuki was terrified.

"Please" he whimpered desperately.

Akito made a disapproving sound. "You. Ruined. Everything." He picked up the steaming basin, staggering slightly.

"Akito- master! Please. I'm sorry-I'm sorry!"

"I did it all for you, pet. Because I love you." He walked over, with slow, measured steps. His face loomed through the steam.

"And you... you went after _them_." He was hissing now and Yuki, who knew him so well, could tell he was livid.

"Please!" Yuki tried one last time, his voice hoarse with fear. Akito however, was too far gone.

"You ran away from me. To them. Well..." he tilted his head and laughed, a surprisingly full bodied sound which echoed menacingly back at Yuki, "I'd like... to see...you run... now!"

With one hand he grasped Yuki's shackled angles and plunged them into the boiling water, the other supporting the steaming basin.

And Yuki screamed.

There was no period between pain and screaming, he just knew he was screaming and he couldn't stop. His nerves were on fire. He had never known pain like it. His body contorted in its efforts to escape this agony. The chains clinked and the manacles bit and he hit his head roughly on the wall but nothing stopped the pain. Akito kept his feet firmly in the water.

When Yuki had almost screamed himself hoarse and he was nearly able to think rationally again, Akito lowered the basin.

Yuki was panting, great laboured breaths which tore at his lungs and caused him to choke. His head swam. He was too scared to look down at his feet. Instead he squeezed his eyes tightly shut. He tried to control the heaving of his body. To ignore the raw pain he felt.

Akito was panting too. His arms shook as he dropped the basin.

"You ran away from me" he repeated to himself. He clawed at his scalp. "Ha...ha" he muttered, "Never again."

Yuki had never known such pain.  
That was, until Akito removed the lid from the metal jug and slowly poured the contents over his lower legs.

The scream burst forth from the feeble frame with immense strength and impact. His voice broke and mangled. It faltered as his body hauled itself away from the pain and he winded himself crashing hard into the wall.

"This is hotter my love... Just for you!"

As the last of the water trickled down the pale legs, Akito let the jug fall with a resonating crash.

Yuki's body twitched and shuddered, beyond his control. He was silent, but for the rough gasps that forced themselves from him. The pain washed over him in waves. Each time they crashed down he felt the pain renewed.

Akito leant against the wall for a moment, breathing heavily. Pushing himself off, he turned to face Yuki. His eyes drifted to Yuki's feet. He nodded, seemingly satisfied. He smoothed his hair down.

"Never again. You're mine."

He paid no attention to Yuki's trembling body or his anguished breathing.

He smiled. His eyes glinted in the gloom as he left.

Later Yuki would remember thinking that Hell must be awfully quiet; the Devil was right here.

In that dark room, on that dark night, a boy wept. He wept because of the pain, because of his weakness, because of the inhumanity humans were capable of.

The darkness clawed at his mind, seeking to engulf him. He struggled against it, though only half-heartedly. The pebble had been tossed and torn by the tsunami, and now the sea was trying to pull it down.

He knew he would not survive the fall into darkness.  
But the darkness promised peace, and an end to pain...

Would an end to everything really be so bad? The world was rotten, was it really possible he could ever live in the light? On that wretched night, for the first time, Yuki was sorely tempted to succumb to the darkness.

* * *

**Sorry Yuki! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket. **

**Please let me know what you think!**


	10. Indoctrination

By the time the light began to bleed into the room, Yuki was dry-eyed. Physically he was aware of the ebbing pain in his feet and legs, the sharp tug at his wrists, the burn in his arms and shoulders, and the tightness in his chest. All this dimmed however, compared to what he felt inside. The hungry emptiness was like a void. It called to him, seductively whispering of an end to pain. That would be such a sweet release. 

Akito returned as the sky was changing, beginning to leech the light from Yuki's special room. Yuki watched through blank, impassive eyes. His heart quickened, his body reacting in fear whereas his mind barely felt it. Akito approached, surveying his work clinically through cold narrowed eyes.

"My love. How did you sleep?" The voice came soft and tender, wrapping itself around Yuki in a warm embrace.

He didn't answer. He hadn't slept. How could he?

When the light had made it possible to see that morning he had chanced a look at his feet. What he saw made his stomach churn. At first all he could process was the vibrant, raw red. Steeling himself with a deep breath he looked closer. He saw the ominous white blotches amongst the cracked, dry red. A vast blister wrapped itself round one foot, caressing his heel and continuing to the sole of his foot where he lost sight of it. A trail of blackened, cracked skin laced its way up one leg, almost to his knee. It was repugnant, but oddly fascinating. Examining the different ways his body had responded was darkly intriguing to him.

Akito showed no emotion as he gazed at the burns. He swivelled his head to look pensively up at Yuki whose face hung several feet above his.

"Mmm, Yuki? My pet?" he prompted.

Yuki squirmed. An answer was required. But what to say? A cold knife seemed to scrape along his spine. _Be careful_. After a moment he settled on the truth.

"I- I didn't sleep. Master." His voice was cracked. He hadn't used it since screaming himself hoarse the night before. He flinched slightly at the memory.

Akito smiled indulgently. "Oh but sleep is very important my love. We wouldn't want you to ruin your beautiful looks. And you do look oh so beautiful, my pet" he sighed longingly, and his eyes lingered on Yuki's crotch for an uncomfortably long time. Yuki blushed. He was immensely thankful Akito had allowed him his boxers.

"Well let's see, perhaps we could do away with these."

Yuki's heart faltered. He thought he was about to lose the last of his dignity until he noticed Akito was indicating the cuffs on his ankles. As he stepped closer Yuki's heart juddered back into a rapid pace. He shifted away slightly and felt the painful tug as his handcuffs shifted. Akito smoothly removed a key from his pocket and reached out to Yuki's feet. As soon as his light fingers made contact, Yuki drew in a sharp hiss of breath. Akito undid one cuff. The pain was extraordinary. It was as though his bubbled, raw skin had melded to the cuffs. He felt an intense pull as Akito gently eased the cuff away from the mangled skin. A wave of nausea washed over him. His head swam and he tried desperately to take deep, steadying breaths. Akito paused, that familiar wickedly sweet smile just tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"You know Yuki, you really did let me down. Everything I did was for you. And you- you..." he seemed to be struggling. He ran his fingers distractedly through his hair. "You ruined it."

Akito began to work on the other cuff. Yuki flinched away. This was more painful. He was too scared to look at his foot, to see what was happening. Akito inserted the small key, and as the cuff pulled on his skin Yuki felt bile rising in his throat.

"But, that will not happen again. You're mine. I'm God, and you're the rat. And we belong together." He paused, and his hands stilled. Yuki concentrated on his breathing.

"Never again" Akito snarled.

He fiercely ripped the manacle from Yuki's foot. The cuff tore the surrounding skin off too. The force burst one of the blisters open, expelling a considerable volume of pale pus. The jagged edges around the strip of missing skin cracked and split, leaking blood and pus onto the newly exposed red raw skin. Akito smiled at the effect.

Yuki was aware of none of this. As soon as the manacle was wrenched away the nausea swelled in a great wave and despite his best efforts he was sick. He could do nothing as the vomit coursed down his front. A lot of it soaked into his t-shirt but some splashed to the floor. Akito took a step back, his expression disgusted and furious. Yuki felt utterly pathetic and helpless as it trickled down his chin. He tried to wipe his chin on the shoulder of his t-shirt but his efforts yielded little.

Akito now seemed bemused rather than angry. He watched Yuki struggle and seemed satisfied. "Hmm." He dropped the bloody manacles with a clang, and left without a word.

Yuki shuddered. The pain in his feet was fierce, especially the right one. The smell of vomit was overwhelming. His hand twitched subconsciously, desperate to get the vomit off his face and away from his nose. There was nothing he could do. He watched the blood slowly blossom where the manacles had torn his skin away. He breathed deeply. He was utterly miserable and helpless.

Akito did not return until the next day. He brought food with him, the first Yuki had seen since arriving. Once more he had been unable to sleep. He hadn't since the night before Kyo's true form had been revealed, and the loss of three night's sleep weighed down on him. He no longer noticed or cared about the smell of vomit, or the way it had dried and crusted on his face, t-shirt and legs. He saw Akito returning so often during his long hours of sleepless nightmares that when he entered, Yuki wasn't sure if it was real. He set the food down, but Yuki's blurry eyes and muddled brain could not decipher it. He blinked and suddenly Akito was on the box in front of him.

"My dear" he murmured, as he cupped Yuki's jaw. "Shall we have some lunch?"

At length, Yuki managed to nod, not trusting himself to speak. He rested his feet cautiously on the box, recoiling as he applied pressure to the vast blister on his sole. Akito undid one handcuff and the sudden change in balance caused Yuki to stagger. As he stumbled his entire weight yanked sharply on the wrist still restrained. When Akito freed this wrist he couldn't support himself and fell to his knees. He was weak and exhausted, and trembling.

Gently, Akito raised him and guided him down, supporting under his arms. Yuki found himself on the floor beside him. His limbs felt wooden and unusable. His legs shook even when he was sitting and his arms were heavy and leaden. His wrists sported circles of dark bruising. Surrounding this were the merged yellow and browns of older bruises in the process of healing. His wrists were chaffed, and in his befuddled state he could just make out the smears of blood.

When Akito invited him to help himself to food, he found his arm was too weak and shaky to reach for the water. Akito helped him, tenderly easing the water into his parched mouth. Yuki felt pathetic and was forcibly reminded of his childhood. But the water was so good, and so needed. Neither spoke during the meal, though Akito hummed almost constantly.

When they were finished Akito guided Yuki back to the wall. Yuki had regained some energy now and struggled slightly, his whole being willing Akito not to cuff him again. But he did. He effortlessly subdued Yuki with a few gentle slaps and restrained him. He put the manacles on his wrists and Yuki might have cried if he'd had the energy. Akito left the box beneath him, so Yuki could rest his feet on it, carefully avoiding applying weight to the painful blister. It took some of the strain off his wrists, for which he was immensely grateful.

When Akito returned that night Yuki did not dare ask about returning to Shigure's house. It was Sunday and he had school the next day but Akito seemed in no way inclined to release him. He bit back his question and remained silent.

"It is time to begin your training" Akito whispered, but Yuki did not hear him.

When the night was at its darkest, Akito returned. Yuki was drifting in and out of consciousness, his body desperately craving sleep. He struggled to focus on Akito, who climbed onto the box and gazed at Yuki's bleary eyes. He began whispering in his ear.

"You are vile. Unlovable. Pathetic and weak. A disgusting abomination. A monster. A freak..." The stream of hissed insults stirred something deep within Yuki's memory, and he felt the abandoned little boy again.

Akito continued relentlessly, the same stream repeatedly. Yuki had heard it all before. He had survived it all before. He tried desperately to build his wall up, plastering over the cracks, determined not to let anything through to him.

"You are vile. Unlovable. Pathetic and weak. A disgusting abomination. A monster. A freak..."

Hours passed and the words were washing up against the wall, wearing away the material. Akito had sunk to the floor some time ago; standing for so long had tired him. Still the insults came.

Eventually he lapsed into silence. The silence screamed at Yuki. With surprise he realised he was shaking. Akito rose slowly.

"You are undeserving of love. Kyo and Tohru do not love you. _How could they? _Just remember Yuki, you are here because of them. Because of Kyo," he slapped Yuki's face to the right, "and _Tohru_" he slapped it back to the left.

Akito walked away, leaving Yuki with stinging cheeks. As he left he whispered.

"You are vile. Unlovable. Pathetic and weak. A disgusting abomination. A monster. A freak..."

Yuki struggled; he tried to plug the holes. The words could not reach him. Akito was playing a game. It wasn't true. But... the venom in his words was so convincing.

The days dragged by, scraping against Yuki's soul as they passed. Life was painful. And difficult. Each day Akito came to the room four times. As Yuki was bleakly watching the light swell on the floor, Akito would arrive with water for him. When the light was at its brightest, and the room at its warmest he would return. This time all he brought was cruel words. For several hours he would whisper in Yuki's ear.

"You are vile. Unlovable. Pathetic and weak. A disgusting abomination. A monster. A freak..."

Sometimes he interrupted himself to slap Yuki if he seemed unfocused.

As the light began to creep away again, Akito would return with bread and water. He humiliatingly broke the bread and pressed it into Yuki's mouth, and Yuki would struggle to chew and swallow.

During the night, when barely anything could be seen, Akito returned once more. Again he would whisper poison in Yuki's ear.

"You should blame Kyo and Tohru you know. This is their fault. You know they don't love you..."

Yuki struggled through the thick haze surrounding his thoughts. His head sagged forward; he was no longer able to support it. He tried to fight the words, to ignore the taunts which came day after day, night after night. But he was so tired, and fighting was so much effort.

On the seventh day Akito let him down. Yuki fell ungracefully to the floor. He couldn't move. He tumbled gratefully into unconsciousness.

He didn't know how long he slept, only that it was dark when he awoke. He struggled to raise his head. After sleeping his thoughts were clearer than they had been in days. He saw the dried blood bracelets which encircled his wrists. With some effort he reached for his face and felt the dried vomit flaking off as he rubbed his chin. He realised with a jolt that he had peed himself, though he couldn't say when it had happened. It could have been while he slept, it could have been days ago; everything was a blur to him. He flushed in shame.

He was so weak. He felt so small. So unimportant and insignificant.

That night when Akito began to whisper in his ear Yuki found that the wall had crumbled away. The words were finding their way to his soul and he couldn't stop them. He curled up, pressing his hands tightly against his ears.

"You are vile. Unlovable. Pathetic and weak. A disgusting abomination. A monster. A freak..."

The words prowled in his mind, finding all his weak points and easing their way in. He realised after a time that he was screaming. He didn't remember starting.

Akito shouted the words now, over and over and over.

Hours later some part of him became aware that Akito had left. His scream faltered and died.

The words continued as though Akito was right there at his ear.

"You are vile. Unlovable. Pathetic and weak. A disgusting abomination. A monster. A freak..."

He remained curled up all night, hands still pressed tightly against his ears, trying to keep out the words that were already within.

He didn't know how many days passed. Now he was no longer bound by the manacles he could retire to his special corner, and he could sleep. He tried to walk on his burnt, mangled feet but the pain made him stagger and baulk. Another blister burst and emitted a foul smell.

The sleeping helped him focus, even of it was only several hours a day. It didn't help defend him. Still Akito came four times a day. Yuki knew the routine. He dreaded the routine. Sometimes Akito would say Kyo or Tohru's names in a constant blurred stream, slapping and kicking Yuki the whole time. In time Yuki began to flinch away at the mention of Kyo or Tohru, fearing what was coming.

He didn't speak. He didn't cry. He didn't fight back.

"You are vile. Unlovable. Pathetic and weak. A disgusting abomination. A monster. A freak..."

Yuki began to believe Akito. He accepted what he said, internalised it as the truth.

As his feet, legs and wrists painstakingly healed, his soul began to break.

After just over two weeks Yuki was a shell of his former self. Both physically and mentally he was weaker. He saw and heard Akito almost constantly, even in his sleep. The only thing worse than hearing the cruel words was knowing they were true. Yuki cowered in his corner most days. He squeezed his eyes shut against the light, choosing to live almost exclusively in the dark. When Akito entered something within him would scream. He curled his hands tightly around his head, desperate not to hear, sometimes drawing blood as he dug his fingers into his skin. It only took several minutes of Akito whispering now to begin Yuki screaming.

"You are vile. Unlovable. Pathetic and weak. A disgusting abomination. A monster. A freak..."

He knew this. He knew it! Why did Akito need to remind him? He knew what he was. He disgusted himself and everyone else.

On the seventeenth day something snapped and his scream broke.

"I KNOW!" he exploded. "I know..." the sob came pitiful and desperate. "I know what I am... I-I'm sorry! I'm sorry..."

Akito gazed at the broken boy crumpled on the floor before him. And smiled. Gently he knelt down.

"What are you Yuki?" he whispered.

"I am vile. Unlovable. Pathetic and weak. A disgusting abomination. A monster. A freak..." Yuki recited back, and the conviction in his voice was audible.

"Yes, you are." Akito allowed, his voice calm and emotionless. Yuki shuddered.

"But," Akito reached tenderly down and raised Yuki's chin, "I love you Yuki."

Yuki's eyes shone. He gazed up at Akito in confusion. How could he mean that? Yuki curled into a ball once more, not believing. No-one loved him. Akito certainly didn't love him. He was unlovable.

"Maybe I am a weak God, to feel so for such a creature. But, it is true. I love you Yuki."

He left, but his words remained with Yuki. They nestled themselves deep in his mind. It wasn't true he thought. But, some part of him wanted so desperately for it to be so.

Was this the rope? Would he be able to climb from the darkness on this weak tendril of hope?

And did he deserve to?

That night, he didn't scream himself to sleep.

The next day Akito didn't bring cruel words, only assurances of his love. The slaps were replaced by gentle touches. Yuki was baffled and nervous. Akito confirmed that Yuki was a freak, but that he loved him regardless. Yuki flinched away when he came close, not trusting him. He was anxious and suspicious.

Vaguely, Yuki noted that school would have ended for summer. He wondered about Kyo and Tohru, and Shigure but he could feel the stinging pain of a hundred slaps when he thought of them, so he stopped soon.

As the days passed, Yuki began relaxing. Akito came with soup as well as bread now and it tasted truly delicious to Yuki. Akito would sit with him on the floor. Sometimes hours would pass in silence. Sometimes Akito would talk.

"You are so beautiful Yuki. I am the only one who can see that."

"I miss when we used to play together. I miss when you loved me in return. I love you more than you deserve, and I deserve your love back."

On the morning when he reached for Yuki's hand and Yuki didn't flinch, but let him take it, Akito smiled.

"I think perhaps it is time to clean you up, my love."

Yuki was confused as Akito rose and gently pulled him to the door. He staggered, unused to walking, and still tender on his burnt feet.

They entered Akito's bedroom and Yuki blinked in the sudden bright garish light.

"Go for a shower my love," Akito instructed.

Gingerly Yuki slid the door and stepped into the cool privacy of the bathroom. Everything was as it had been. He stripped off his vomit, sweat and urine-stained t-shirt and boxers and stepped gratefully into the shower. The water was phenomenal. He hadn't realised how greasy and disgusting his hair and body had become but cleaning himself now felt so good.

His feet and legs stung sharply. It seemed one of his feet was numb, he couldn't seem to feel anything in it which concerned him slightly. The other burns grew increasingly painful in the water, and after a time he found it too painful to stand so he sank down to the floor. Scrubbing himself clean was almost therapeutic.

Eventually he forced himself to switch the water off. He stood dripping, and examined his body. It seemed the wounds on his back were healing. Honestly he had almost forgotten them in recent weeks. His legs and feet were gruesome and disturbing to look upon. His wrists seemed alright; the smears of blood had washed off, leaving a fine band of red around each wrist and a larger band of bruising. As he deeply inhaled the steam he realised he had lost a considerable amount of weight. His ribs poked through his bruised chest and his collar bone stood proud. It saddened him. For a second he indulged the thought that Tohru would want to feed him up when he returned. Then he remembered of course that she didn't care about him and he was a freak unworthy of affection. It hurt.

As he left the shower he found to his shock Akito sitting on a counter awaiting him. He fumbled nervously for a towel whilst the older boy smiled hungrily at him.

"My love," he murmured, drifting over to Yuki, "I trust you have not forgotten what you are?"

Yuki shook his head hurriedly.

"I am vile. Unlovable. Pathetic and weak. A disgusting abomination. A monster. A freak..."

"Yes, but...?" Akito raised a delicate eyebrow. Yuki swallowed.

"But you love me?" he stuttered.

"I do, my love." Akito embraced him tenderly.

Yuki felt a warmth, a strange comfort. He understood he was a freak, But... maybe Akito did love him..?

To be loved... it was nice, safe.

Yuki raised his eyes. He smiled at Akito, and though it confused him it felt genuine. Akito smiled softly in return.

Several days later when Hatori arrived, he found Yuki huddled in a corner of Akito's bedroom. He had tried to see Yuki every few days for the past three weeks but Akito had not allowed it. He had begged to examine Yuki but Akito got that cold look in his eyes and Hatori didn't want to anger him in case he made things worse for Yuki. Now finally, Akito had admitted him.

What he now saw scared him. Yuki's forehead was pressed against the wall and he seemed to be having a conversation with someone Hatori couldn't see. He mumbled and paused, nodding his head sometimes before continuing. One had clawed constantly and relentlessly at the other wrist. The skin there was raw and inflamed and small blossoms of blood bloomed along the tracks Yuki made. Akito had left and Hatori wondered if he was ashamed of what he had done to Yuki.

He approached quietly, then cleared his throat and announced his presence. Yuki spun, his eyes wide and wild. His cheeks were hollow. Deep dark shadows lurked under his twitching eyes. He seemed to relax slightly when he registered who it was but he kept clawing at his wrist.

He wouldn't leave the corner when Hatori tried to coax him out so he had to settle for examining him there. The burns were concerning, they were more serious than Akito had implied. He took notes and photographs, hoping later research could enable him to find the best solution for Yuki. In the meantime he applied ointment which caused the boy to twitch. He was angry at Akito for doing this to Yuki. Angry and sad. Hatori felt a great stab of guilt and remorse at his powerlessness in the face of Akito. Hatori noted that Yuki was malnourished and had lost weight rapidly. He gently examined his wrists and saw that both were cut and bruised but neither were infected or greatly worrying.

What concerned him more was Yuki's mental wellbeing. It was hard to remain detached and professional when he saw Yuki like this. As he was examining his burnt feet Yuki turned once more to the wall and continued his conversation. What Hatori heard concerned him deeply.

"Yuki?" he began gently, "Perhaps you could talk to me a little? Why don't you tell me what you're doing?" No reply came and Hatori sighed.

"Why are you scratching your wrist?" Silence, but for Yuki's continued mutterings to the wall.

"Who are you talking to Yuki?" Nothing. In frustration Hatori grabbed Yuki's wrist and stilled its vicious clawing. Yuki spun suddenly.

For a second the clouds parted and Hatori could see the Yuki he knew again.

"I'm a freak Hatori,"came the mutter. "I know. I am...unlovable." Hatori didn't want to interrupt when Yuki was beginning to open up but inside he was screaming denials at the boy.

"Akito he... he says he loves me." Hatori saw Yuki frown slightly in confusion.

"But... I don't understand. If he loves me, why did he do this to me?" It was asked with such open honesty and confusion. Yuki turned. He slowly raised his t-shirt and Hatori saw a deep gash across his chest.

Yuki frowned down at it, looking desperately confused.

"Is this love?" he whispered, tracing his fingers lightly over the cut.

Hatori's heart broke. The boy gazed openly up at him, pure innocence written over his face. He didn't know what to say. He could see the young boy who asked Hatori why his mother had left him, the child who had asked why his brother had turned his back on him, why he couldn't have friends. He had never had a good enough answer for him. He still didn't.

Akito re-entering the room spared him having to answer. Just like that the Yuki he knew disappeared behind the clouds once more. He began to scratch at his wrist again.

Under Akito's careful eye Hatori cleaned the gash and applied anti-bacterial cream. He checked Yuki's back which was almost healed. With a groan he stood and walked away from the boy he could never adequately help. Akito smiled at him.

"This is for his feet," he handed Akito the burn ointment. "This is for his wrists. I'll need to get something for that _gash_." He glared grudgingly at Akito. "Make sure he takes these," he instructed as he handed Akito two packets of painkillers and one packet of anti-inflammatory tablets.

"Oh I will." Akito cooed.

"Don't tell anyone!" The sudden shout from the corner of the room. Hatori frowned. Yuki hadn't looked up, he was still scratching. Akito too looked momentarily annoyed but his frown quickly smoothed into a smile.

"Well, did you hear that Hatori, hmm? If my Yuki doesn't want you to tell anyone, you had better not."

"Yes, Akito." He walked to the door and paused.

"You know Akito, at this rate you might actually kill Yuki."

Akito did not answer, he merely smiled. In that moment Hatori truly hated their God. He left with a heavy heart.

Yuki rocked himself in the corner, clawing at his wrist until Akito went to him and wrapped him in an embrace, upon which he immediately stilled.

"I love you Yuki," he murmured in his ear. Yuki made a small noise in return, a weak grateful whimper.

Several nights later Akito woke to find Yuki wide-eyed, rocking himself at the end of the bed. His breathing was ragged and he shook. He alternated between clawing frantically at his wrist and clutching his head desperately in his hands. Akito smiled.

"Yuki my love, come to me." He extended his arms welcomingly, smiling warmly. Yuki flinched then crawled quickly to him. The shaking boy pressed himself closely, gratefully, to Akito's body. Akito wrapped his arms around him.

"Sshhh. It's alright my pet. I'm here and I love you."

Yuki gradually stilled, clutching tightly to Akito as he drifted to sleep.

Oh no Hatori, I'm not going to kill Yuki.

_I'm going to destroy him._

* * *

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Fruits Basket.**

**Also I'm pretty tired so not 100% sure what I've just written, I've probably just been sleepily rambling...**

**Please let me know what you think :) **


	11. A Homecoming of Sorts

**I don't own Fruits Basket!**

**tw: bulimia.**

* * *

Trudging through the thick sludge and dark swirling mists of his mind was draining. Occasionally the mists parted and he caught a glimpse beyond, but these moments of confusing brightness were short-lived; the darkness would rush back greedily.

After five weeks with Akito Yuki's defences had been stripped bare, leaving him raw and tender, vulnerable. He was small and insignificant. It confused him that it had taken him so long to realise what he was. Unlovable. He'd thought he was clever. Obviously he'd been wrong, about everything.

Time seemed to pass strangely. Sometimes the seconds would tick agonisingly by, pausing cruelly before they stepped forward, other times the hours would pour by in a flowing, twisting current. Yuki preferred when he lost track of time completely. Then he would lurch to and find himself crying in the corner, wrapped in Akito's embrace, standing in the shower... it could be anywhere. The only thing constant was the conflict he felt. Akito said he loved him, and perhaps he did. But, why did it feel like he hated him?

He fed Yuki well, bringing rich food which Yuki could barely taste, gave him the medication Yuki no longer cared about. They slept in the same bed each night and Akito held him close and stroked his hair when he cried. They helped each other with their nightmares. Why then, despite all this, did Yuki have a jarring feeling something was wrong?

Sometimes, when he was able to peer through the mists, he wondered these things, wondered if Akito truly loved him. When Yuki had uttered Tohru's name in his sleep and Akito slashed his chest open, that hadn't felt like love... had it?

What did love feel like? Was this it?

Akito made him feel constantly in danger, but also often, safe.

In these rare moments of clarity Yuki's brain screamed at the conflict it was experiencing.

One day Yuki was standing in the shower, which was the closest he came to relaxing. He watched the water run over his various wounds. He barely felt or cared about them anymore. What did it matter if his body was broken anyway? It was merely a vessel to carry him to death. From the day you are born you start to die. With a bitter smile at this morbid thought Yuki turned. Akito was standing two feet from him, completely naked. Yuki blinked, feeling shock or surprise for the first time in weeks. His brain ignited; a distant voice screaming of danger whilst a louder, closer one murmured that it was safe, Akito loved them. His instinct told him to listen to the warnings and he felt himself taking a shaking half-step backwards. Akito merely smiled, reaching past him for the shampoo. He washed himself in silence, his eyes rarely leaving Yuki. Yuki was frozen, unable to think clearly or tear his gaze away. Eventually, with a sly smile, Akito left. Although Akito had been very careful not to touch him, Yuki felt the imaginary caress of those long hands on his wet body as he sank to his knees. It sent a shiver through him.

Shortly after this, Akito told Yuki he would be returning to Shigure's house for the foreseeable future. Yuki dragged himself from his stupor to consider this proposal. Akito told him, with a bitter edge to his voice, that Hatori needed to treat him daily now. Yuki nodded groggily, wondering. He examined Akito critically, seeing him clearly for the first time in a long time. He supposed he hadn't noticed before, in his befuddled state, and due to his seeing Akito every day, but now he noted he had definitely lost weight. Yuki knew Akito slept badly, had nightmares and sometimes had little appetite. With Akito though, he wore the bags under his eyes as one would designer make up, displayed his thinness in the form of elegance and slenderness and channelled his anxiety through anger. In short, he thrived, putting on a splendid show to disguise his fears.

Yuki pondered vaguely that he must know Akito better than anyone. The thought provided him with some small comfort but also saddened him. He on the other hand, could not turn his pain into beauty. Instead it tore him apart, as he knew only too well. Something more must be wrong with Akito then for Hatori to insist upon further treatment. Yuki bowed his head low, letting it rest on Akito's bony shoulder. Akito placed the whisper of a kiss on his head and stood to leave. He paused.

"It's just," he hesitated, "I don't want you to see me like that Yuki."

He sounded vulnerable and sincere. He left slowly.

Yuki sifted through his feelings, trying to figure out how he felt. Was it sadness? Was he sad Akito was ill? He cared for Yuki didn't he... loved him? Or was he sad he was leaving him? That thought worried him more; the boy he had once been would never have upset at leaving Akito.

Returning to Shigure's was difficult for Yuki. It had been five weeks since Kyo's true form was revealed and Tohru and Kyo had one more week of school holiday before school returned. So much had changed for Yuki in those five weeks, but it was as though nothing was different at Shigure's. The same shoes littered the porch, the same jackets hung in the hall, and the same plates lay on the counter. He heard voices coming from the kitchen, and rounding the kitchen saw Tohru and Shigure. It seemed to Yuki that Shigure was lamenting on the beauty of school girls whilst Tohru remonstrated him. Yuki was confused. How could such banal nonsense be important?

Tohru turned as he entered and smiled. Shigure looked visibly relieved. Yuki stared blankly back, unsure of how to react. He understood what was, he merely wondered if that was a fake smile. Why would she bother pretending to like him?

"You are vile. Unlovable. Pathetic and weak. A disgusting abomination. A monster. A freak..."

He heard the words as clearly as ever. They soothed him, as a prayer would a child. He smiled. Tohru, apparently harbouring the impression he was smiling at her, beamed in response and he felt his smile curdle and twist. They were all pretending. He knew he was unlovable. He became aware he was scratching at his arm but didn't seem able to stop. He did not much want to; sometimes, just sometimes, he could feel the pain, and he so wanted to feel something. Without a word he left them, turning his back on their anxious faces and retreating upstairs.

He sank down onto the bed that no longer felt like his. Everything was the same, his room seemingly untouched, yet nothing was the same. He hadn't been here in nearly five weeks but now he longed to be somewhere else. This house of pretenders was not his home. As he sank into an uneasy sleep, Yuki found himself unwillingly, but completely desperately, missing the tender embrace of the arms of his God.

Yuki's life now consisted of a mixture of anger and sadness, which combined to make a toxic cocktail of conflict. School returned and he struggled. His mind was somewhere else entirely, he couldn't focus. He really tried to act normally.

"You are vile. Unlovable. Pathetic and weak. A disgusting abomination. A monster. A freak..."

He knew. He knew.

On the third day back he was told to leave class because of his incessant muttering. He hadn't realised he was muttering. He didn't care anyway.

On the fifth day he became repulsed by his reflection in the bathroom mirrors. The wretched boy he saw taunted him. He told Yuki Akito loved him now, that Yuki now had no-one. Yuki later realised he must have punched the mirror because there was blood and mess and pain. The pain was beautiful, sharp and cruel. It made him feel alive. He had no memory of lashing out. He was given a warning. They said one more incident would result in suspension. He gazed at them through blank uncaring eyes.

He sat with Shigure, Tohru and Kyo in the evenings for dinner. He rarely spoke, but when he did it was polite and reserved. He ate, hardly tasting, trying not to let the cracks show.

In the evenings he made himself sick, for reasons he couldn't understand. Often he would stand in the shower, forcing his fingers down his throat, ignoring the burning pain. He watched with vague curiosity as the vomit splashed down about his feet. Only when he was on his knees, dry-heaving and shaking, his knuckles bleeding, would he be satisfied.

His brain couldn't cope. Sometimes it screamed at him:

"YOU ARE VILE. UNLOVABLE. PATHETIC AND WEAK. A DISGUSTING ABOMINATION. A MONSTER. A FREAK."

Other times it conjured up sweet memories of being held and comforted by Akito, evoking such a strong longing in Yuki.

The conflict raged on. He knew it couldn't continue for long. Something would have to give.

Things finally came to a head three weeks after he returned to Shigure's. It was a Sunday, or maybe a Saturday, Yuki had lost track. Hatori came round, surreptitiously checking on Yuki as he did each weekend. Ayame had come with him and Yuki glared at them both. One lied, pretended he cared about Yuki, and the other had turned his back on him. Yuki would not be fooled again. He retreated to his room, seeking solitude. Later, irritating noise alerted him to the visitors. Haru and Momiji had arrived. From what Yuki could gather Haru and Kyo had agreed to spar. He scoffed bitterly, returning to trying to read. Subconsciously, he scratched at his arm.

He must have drifted off because suddenly the afternoon was drawing to a close and there were people everywhere. Tohru, Haru, Momiji, Kyo. All at his door. Yuki recoiled at their sudden closeness. There was so much noise; laughter, chatter. It was like everything was too bright, too loud. Too much. They were talking to him but he couldn't work it out. He pushed roughly past them, desperate for peace. He dashed downstairs and the cloud of garish brightness and obscene noise followed him. He couldn't breathe. For a desperate, frightened moment he truly wanted his special room.

He burst outside, relishing the fresh air. Why were they following?

He knew what he was. I am vile. Unlovable. Pathetic and weak. A disgusting abomination. A monster. A freak...

Akito loved him didn't he? Why were these pretenders putting so much effort into their facade?

His brain struggled and his chest constricted, his breaths coming fast and painful.

The evening air was warm but it felt stifling to Yuki. He headed for the safety of the trees, hoping to escape to his garden.

Suddenly a hand grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. Kyo. His cousin glared at him, not removing his hand from Yuki's shoulder. Yuki couldn't process this contact. His mind staggered and reeled against it. He was vaguely aware of Shigure, Hatori and Ayame on the porch.

"What the hell's your problem?" Kyo demanded, and Yuki flinched away. What was happening? He tried to steady his breathing.

"You come back here acting like you're better than us, you damn rat!"

Suddenly Shigure, Hatori and Ayame were staring, and Tohru, Haru and Momiji, over Kyo's shoulder were too. And they all saw what he was.

_I am vile. Unlovable. Pathetic and weak. A disgusting abomination. A monster. A freak..._

Their eyes bore into him, judging. And he couldn't do it. He tried to turn away, to run from the truth, but Kyo held him tightly. He felt how weak he was, he couldn't stop the tremors in his arms.

"Please," he implored, his voice cracking, "Just let me go."

"Hmph. You're not better than Tohru and I just cause you're Akito's favourite you know."

Yuki stiffened. He felt the conflict in his mind morphing into something grotesque and ugly: anger. He tried to breathe, to remain calm.

They must not know how broken he was. He tried again, forcing himself to remain calm.

"Just let me go Kyo. Leave me alone."

Kyo laughed, a harsh, bitter sound. Yuki began to turn away, attempting to ignore him. It was because of Kyo he had had to return to Akito, why could he not see that?

"You really are Akito's little bitch aren't you?"

Yuki froze, feeling the fury coursing through his veins, burning his brain clear of any thought or feeling. There was a dull pounding in his ears.

"Freak!" Kyo spat.

Yuki was not aware of turning, all he knew was that suddenly he was rushing at Kyo. All thought of his careful mask and everyone watching was completely forgotten. All he wanted was to cause someone pain. He drew back his fist and sank it into Kyo's cheek with a satisfying crunch.

Yuki woke up with his nose pressed to the grass. There was pressure on him, and pain. He blinked woozily, his thoughts scattered. He seemed to be curled up. Haru and Shigure were holding him and Ayame hovered over them. Yuki blinked again, attempting to raise his head. He saw Hatori and Tohru in the distance. Kyo lay on the ground between them. He didn't seem to be moving. Yuki's stomach lurched. What had he done?

When they saw he was awake, Shigure and Haru half carried, half dragged Yuki into the house.

"Kyo? Kyo?" he muttered disorientated, over and over.

"He'll be alright" Shigure eventually assured him.

"I'm sorry. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

They laid him on the couch and Yuki was aware of his slipping consciousness.

"I'm sorry... I'm..."

It was dark outside when Yuki opened his eyes. Ayame hovered by his head, looking more serious than Yuki could remember seeing him. Hatori was sitting in the armchair. He wearily smiled when he saw Yuki's eyes fluttering open.

"Oh Yuki," he sighed. "How do you feel?"

"Kyo? How's Kyo?" Yuki asked, ignoring the question. "What did I do?"

Hatori and Ayame shared a look. Eventually Hatori answered.

"You attacked him. It took three of us to stop you, and even then you tried to fight us too. Kyo did land a few good hits of his own though. How do you feel?"

Yuki felt like he was sinking. What had he done?

"I'm sorry" he repeated. It was all he could think. Hatori sighed.

"I'm going to give you this for the pain, and it will help you sleep." He indicated a small syringe and Yuki let him inject his arm without moving.

"I have to take Haru and Momiji back to the main house. And Kyo will spend tonight there so I can monitor him. Get Shigure to phone me if you need anything." Hatori left and Yuki nodded vaguely as the drug pulled him under.

He dreamt he saw Akito standing over him, his fist raised high. Then something shifted and it was Yuki standing there and Kyo on the ground. Kyo opened his eyes and said "You're just like Akito." Then his face morphed into Tohru's and she cringed away from him, crying. When he tried to touch her, to comfort her, a trail of bruises appeared on her skin. She raised her head to look at him and tears of blood trailed down her cheeks.


	12. The Longest Night

Yuki gasped awake, panting and shaking. He gazed around, attempting to gather his thoughts. He was in his own room, lying on bed on top of the covers. The summer sunlight filtered gently in. He had been sleeping a long time it seemed. The dream scared him. It had been so vivid. Cautiously he made his way downstairs, using the banister for support. Since returning home he had been wearing silk socks at all times to conceal the healing burns on his feet and ankles. Still they were tender when he walked. It seemed Kyo had managed to fight back a bit; the side of Yuki's face was sore, as well as his chest and leg. He was pleasantly surprised at the pain though; recently he hadn't been able to feel much. Fighting Kyo had rekindled a spark in him.

Feeling nervous he entered the kitchen. Tohru, Haru, and Momiji sat around the table. Ayame and Shigure stood talking, but all noise ceased when he entered. Ayame looked relieved and Tohru slightly timid, but the others betrayed nothing.

What could he say to them? How to tell them he'd been feeling dead inside for weeks? That attacking Kyo had finally made him feel alive again? That he was a monster, that Akito loved him, and that he knew no-one else possibly could. In the end he swallowed back all of this, secured his mask in place.

"I'm sorry."That was all he said, all he could say. He understood saying it to Kyo would be a lot harder.

He knew what they were thinking: You are vile. Unlovable. Pathetic and weak. A disgusting abomination. A monster. A freak...

Of course they were. That's what he was. It surprised him that they welcomed him for breakfast, Tohru fetching him some extra food she'd put aside. Maybe they were just really good actors.

It was only later that day that he would learn the truth. He was sitting with Haru, Momiji and Tohru in the living room. Ayame was loitering in the kitchen and Shigire had gone to talk to his editor. Yuki wondered how they could bear to be in the same room as him knowing what he had done, knowing what he was. Haru filled what would have been an uncomfortable silence with anecdotes and jokes, for which Yuki was immensely grateful.

It was Tohru who first noticed. She gasped loudly and pointed at Yuki's chest. He glanced down in confusion and his heart sank. Blood was soaking through his t-shirt, from the gash in his chest most likely.

"It's fine," he said, "It's nothing Miss Honda"

Her gasp however, had drawn Ayame over. They all stared at Yuki as Ayame dramatically gasped also and immediately phoned Hatori.

"It's fine." Yuki tried again but it seemed none of them were listening.

"Hatori says to clean it and bandage the entire chest" Ayame informed them when he'd finished on the phone, "You'll need someone to wrap the bandage for you he said."

Yuki glanced desperately towards Shigure's office door. He was who Yuki would have chosen, the only one who knew the truth, or some of it at least.

"Really its fine, I don't think it's serious. I'll just go change." Yuki insisted, a desperate edge creeping into his voice. He stood quickly and swayed slightly, unsteady and dizzy.

"No,"Ayame said, "He insists. You need it."

Yuki swallowed. Ayame looked on expectantly.

"Fine, as long as," he hesitated, suddenly unsure, "As long as Miss Honda will consent to help me?"

Tohru blushed and jumped up immediately.

"Of course Yuki! You don't even have to ask, of course I'll help."

Ayame looked perturbed. Yuki panicked; they couldn't know. He had only asked Tohru because he knew she'd be easiest to dissuade from treating him when they were alone.

Ayame opened his mouth, about to say something, but Momiji interrupted.

"Come on Ayame, I saw a rare butterfly in the garden. Let's go see if there's more! I want pictures for my school project." He smiled brightly and Ayame, distracted, relaxed and returned the smile.

Momiji leapt up and skipped off. "You too Haru, I'll need help!" he sang. Ayame and Haru shared a smile and followed, compelled by Momiji's bright innocence.

Yuki let out the breath he hadn't realised he was holding. He smiled shakily at Tohru, attempting to ignore the spreading stain of red.

"Come on then Yuki, there's bandages in the bathroom. I sorted out the cupboards there last week." She continued talking as they climbed the stairs and Yuki let her voice wash over him. It was lively and beautiful, like a bell.

Yuki turned instead for his room, sitting on his bed in the darkening room. Tohru was determined however. She collected bandages and wipes from the bathroom and returned, knocking tentatively on the door before letting herself in.

Yuki sighed. "Truly Miss Honda, I can sort this out myself. It's nothing." His voice came smooth and polite, as he had trained it to.

"You need some help Yuki." He was confused. He couldn't clearly think. He knew what he was. He knew what he'd done. And only Akito cared for him. Those were the truths he knew, weren't they?

What was real? His world shattered, disintegrating into flakes of his reality.

"Yuki," Tohru's timid voice barely registered in his mind, "You're talking to yourself."

He stood, desperate to escape the confines of the room. She must not know how weak he was. How she would despise him if she knew the truth. He worked on keeping his mask in place; smiling thinly.

"Really Miss Honda, there is no need for you to worry. I'm fine. Everything is fine." He smiled down at her, his face a smooth and calm mask.

_I am vile. Unlovable. Pathetic and weak. A disgusting abomination. A monster. A freak..._

The words reverberated through his mind suddenly. He swayed and found himself kneeling. It was just all too much. He let his head sink back to rest on his bed. The duvet was soft and comforting as lies. He closed his eyes. He was aware of a movement and thought the floor was rocking until he realised it was himself. Knowing this didn't make it any easier to stop.

"You can't...can't. No-one can know- can't" He struggled but it was so much effort.

"Everyone needs help sometimes Yuki, and there's no shame in asking for help. That's what my mum used to say." Her smile reached him and it was so piercingly beautiful and painfully kind.

"Yuki?" He opened his eyes. Her hand was outstretched to remove his t-shirt but she was waiting for permission. Her thoughtfulness was a wonder to Yuki. Through the haze, with some difficulty, he nodded. He knew what he was condemning himself to. It was all over.

Gently, careful not to touch him too much, Tohru removed the sodden t-shirt. She gasped and it fell from her limp fingers. Begrudgingly Yuki looked down. The gash across his chest was bright and compelling. Blood trickled from it down to his waistband. Yuki saw several scratch marks leading from the cut; seemingly Kyo or one of the others had accidentally aggravated it. Knowing she was seeing how weak he was, Yuki dragged his eyes up to meet Tohru's.

Her's were wide, and she was so beautiful, even in the dim light. He wanted to freeze that moment, to remember her as she was, before she knew the truth of his weakness. He watched her blink, saw every twitch of her face.

"That... that wasn't Kyo was it?" It was asked timidly, but with a strange degree of certainty nonetheless.

Yuki made no response. He merely stared at her, examining every eyelash, every freckle.

"It was _him, _wasn't it?"

Yuki let his head fall forward. He felt his mask dissolving. It was all over. This was it.

Tohru's sharp inhale of breath snapped his head back, panicked.

"Your back..." She looked as sad as he had ever seen her. He realised she had seen some scars when he bent forward.

He hastily backed against the bed. One hand clawed relentlessly at his wrist. He could feel a lump rising in his throat, and the emotion he felt was too big, too powerful.

A statement this time, she was no longer questioning: "It was Akito."

And his name was like a great damn bursting. Yuki shuddered, his mask shattering into a million pieces, as he broke down in tears.

Once he had started he found he couldn't stop. He tried, gulping greedily, desperate to calm down, but each time he would find himself overcome again. He was just so tired. Tired of pain and secrets, of fear and lies. Tired of being hungry and sore, and, tired. Tired of being the pebble tossed by the sea. It felt so good to finally let it out. Tohru sat by him, not saying anything. She gently reached out, careful not to touch him too much, and took his hand. She rubbed soothing circles with her thumb, and in time Yuki focused on this. Her hand in his was a lifeline and he seized it gratefully, dragging himself back.

When his sobbing had finally subsided he was ashamed. He was a freak, and now he had shown Tohru how weak he really was. He didn't deserve to cry. Yet, she didn't look disgusted. She gazed calmly on, her expression neutral. Looking closer he saw the sadness in her eyes. Was that for him? He didn't understand. They started at each other for a long time, kneeling on his bedroom floor. His eyes were puffy and snot and tears mingled on his face. He dare not free his hand from Tohru's to wipe it though, for fear he would lose it forever. And the other seemed to be occupied in clawing at his wrist. How strange.

"Yuki. I'm so sorry this happened to you. You deserve so much more."

The words reached him but he was certain he must have misunderstood. Looking into her eyes he saw the truth there. She meant it. Upon this realisation his incessant clawing ceased.

He gazed at her in wonder, marveling at her words. If anyone else had said it he might have doubted them, but Tohru, with her wide eyes and gentle smile, he would trust. He gazed at her and felt... peace.

The night drew in around them. The house was quiet and no-one disturbed them. Shigure must have decided not to interrupt them for dinner and retired to bed.

Eventually she asked, gently as always: "Do you want to talk about it?" and he found himself talking. He found himself telling Tohru everything. He had never talked like this, and it was so strange and so liberating. Sometimes he felt himself shy as a virgin, having difficulty relating certain events, but Tohru smiled and rubbed his hand. His voice hitched occasionally, recalling painful memories. But her persevered. He told her his life.

When he told her of the whippings she moved closer, never releasing his hand, and gently touched him. Obediently he shifted so she could see, no longer feeling the fear of earlier. She traced some of the ridges of scar tissue, so tenderly that Yuki shivered and blushed. She retreated a minute later, and her brow was creased slightly. She waited patiently, and Yuki continued with his story. He found it very difficult describing when Akito had burnt his feet. Again Tohru moved, extending a tentative hand towards his feet. She looked at him questioningly and he nodded. His explicit trust of her surprised him but he found it immensely peaceful. It felt... safe. To trust someone so explicitly. She carefully drew off his socks. When she saw his mangled feet she looked horrified. Yuki glanced at them quickly; he still had difficulty looking at them.

He continued, describing right up to the following day.

"Yesterday, with Kyo, that scared me. It scared me because it was like my worst nightmare came true." Tohru looked on expectantly, frowning slightly.

"That I would end up like him. Like Akito" he swallowed. "I'd rather anything than to end up like him." Her frown deepened.

"I understand him" he said slowly, "I don't think I did before but now I know why he did that. I can see it- no- I can feel it. Yesterday I felt how it feels to be Akito." Tohru waited.

"It feels- Oh God- It feels like you've got enough rage to fill the whole world and after a while you can't hold it all in... and when it spills out you hurt someone. I'd rather die than live like that."

He faltered to a stop. There was silence, but not a hungry silence demanding to be filled, more a comfortable silence. He had talked for so long his voice was hoarse and hie throat dry. He had never talked for so long, or been nearly so intimate with anyone.

At length, Tohru spoke. "I know me saying sorry doesn't change anything, but I am so sorry Yuki. I'm sorry that happened to you, and I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

"You didn't know" Yuki interrupted.

"But maybe I should have known, I could have helped, I-"

"I didn't want you to know. I didn't want anyone to know. Only Hatori knows, and Shigure because he found out. Don't ever blame yourself."

There was silence. "But how can this be allowed? If Hatori knew, then how...?"

Yuki smiled, a beautiful, broken smile of a weary boy. "Because he's our God. The zodiac spirits which are a part of us need to obey the God. Our God gets what he wants..."

More silence.

"You're not Akito, Yuki. You're not like him." And it was exactly what Yuki needed to hear. It brought him such peace. He smiled gratefully.

Then Tohru talked. She told Yuki stories from her life, times with her mum, both happy and sad. He listened, savouring every detail.

It was like telling his story had built a rough wooden structure in his mind, a support beam, protecting him. And now Tohru's story fleshed it out, providing substance and colour, making it strong.

When she ran out of words the silence returned. They moved to the bed and sat against the wall, still holding hands. Intermittently one would talk, then the comfortable silence would return.

As the sky began to lighten, the two grew heavy-eyed and drowsy. Yuki's head nodded slightly. He allowed himself to rest, to relax. Tohru tenderly kissed his forehead, ever so lightly.

"I'm sorry!" she murmured hurriedly, but Yuki only smiled sleepily and leaned closer. Tohru smiled too and they drifted to sleep together.

It was only a couple of hours later that they awoke. Yuki stirred first. For a moment he was confused, his mind took a moment to remember why he was sitting topless in bed with Tohru. When he remembered, and blinked dazedly in the sunlight, he felt like a great weight had been lifted. Tohru cared about him. He had shared everything with her and she didn't think he was weak. It made him smile genuinely. She looked so beautiful sleeping there, her cheeks a charming rose. Looking down he saw that his chest had stopped bleeding but that the dried blood had left unsightly trails across his chest. Thinking to cover it before Tohru woke, Yuki moved away, noticing as he did that their hands were still mere inches apart. She stirred as he left however, blinking blearily. He smiled and their eyes met. They had shared so much last night. Yuki had never made himself more vulnerable but she had not rejected him as he feared.

He wiped his chest clean with the anti-bacterial wipes, wincing when it stung his cut. She helped him wind the bandage around his chest and secured it. She was so caring, Yuki thought she would make a fantastic nurse.

Shigure knocked and informed them that Kyo was home. Tohru darted up to make breakfast, and Yuki missed her warmth as soon as she was gone. Shigure hesitated in the doorway still. Yuki looked up enquiringly.

"Is everything ok?" Shigure asked, "Haru said I should leave guys. That you had things to sort out...?"

"Everything's fine. It's good actually. Tohru knows... everything." He gestured vaguely and unnecessarily to the bandage.

Shigure nodded. "You seem... different" he sounded puzzled.

Yuki smiled. He felt different. He supposed Shigure was thinking of the dead conflicted boy who'd been living in his house for the last few weeks. He didn't know how to explain what had been going on, what had happened, what he was now.

"I'm... better" he settled on, and it felt right. He was better.

Shigure smiled. He seemed to relax. Well, I'll just go get breakfast then." He retreated.

Yuki pulled a clean shirt on, appreciating the crispness of it. It was like he felt everything so much more now. The colours and the sounds, everything.

Minutes later Kyo arrived. Yuki swallowed back his nerves. He had done wrong and he knew he would have to face that now. He inclined his head, almost subconsciously.

"Kyo. I'm so sorry."

Kyo's right eye was blackened and his left cheek bore several long scratches. His right arm hung in a sling. There were no more visible injuries but Yuki suspected there were some. His insides twisted in guilt and shame. He waited, expecting anger from his volatile cousin. He was surprised.

"It's... alright." Yuki looked up, startled. Kyo grudgingly rolled his eyes and continued.

"I shouldn't have provoked you. I wanted a fight and... what I said... I shouldn't have said those things." Yuki blinked stupidly. Kyo looked thoroughly uncomfortable but persevered. "You helped me. When, you know... I was in the cat's true form. I'm sorry too."

Yuki was shocked. "You, forgive me?" was all he managed.

"Yeah I forgive you, you damn rat! Doesn't mean I can't still kick your ass though" he grinned. Yuki couldn't believe it.

Tohru appeared then, looking nervous. She placed herself between them, seemingly unconsciously.

"Is everything ok?" she timidly asked.

"Yes," Yuki began, then he hesitated, glancing at Kyo, hardly daring to believe.

"Yeah we're fine" Kyo supplied, smiling. Yuki found himself smiling back. Tohru beamed between them.

They made their way downstairs for breakfast. Yuki felt hungry properly for the first time in probably months. He noticed the flowers in the garden, the articles in the paper Shigure read, the shade of the bows in Tohru's hair, the graceful way Kyo managed with his sling. Everything seemed to hold such a new beauty for him.

He felt... hopeful. His friends offered him a way to climb from the dark swirling waters. He would not fall.

With their help he could be strong, be loved, be normal.

He suddenly remembered something he'd once read, but he pushed this thought aside. It wasn't relevant anyway.

Yet still it kept nagging...

_Hope is more dangerous than fear._

* * *

**I just split this from the last chapter cause it felt too much. _  
_**

**The scene with Tohru is completely inspired by XxxEmotionalPrincessxxX and the rest of the chapter (and the one before this) grew from that, so thank you! If you want to say thanks you could check out their stories :) **

**I still don't own Fruits Basket. **

**Thanks for reading, reviewing etc. Please let me know what you think. **


End file.
